Susubear Little Inn

Rainny Days ....

This was supposed to be my yesterday post but didn't manage to post due to some viruses inside my computer that corrupt my internet connection again. This virus name worm it'll make my internet connection down till I can't even search anything at all.

Nowadays every evening the rain will start pouring from the sky. Actually wanted to go Chow Yang pasar malam today but ended up in "Kayu" SS2 eating the extremly long and delicious roti tissue. *Yum**Yum*. After looking at my extremly tall and tasty roti tissue, one uncle also order the same thing as we do.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 11:13 PM Comments: 1

What kind of marks is this ....

When I was require to hand up my Management report, I was sick till then my report was extended for 2 more days. I forced myself to fnish up the report till 4am in the morning and the marks I got from it is FAIL ?! Oh gosh .... WHY my report must be choosen to be sent to Australia and mark by Mr.P R there ?? WHY am I so UNLUCKY among like 60 people ?? Everyone knows that report which is sent to Australia would get a FAIL or PASS when it return here. It never it'll be C, D or HD .... *sob**sob* I feel like crying. I've really spent alot of time doing it and all my sources was for real. The way he critise my report is horrible and unbearable .... almost cry when I look at all those comments ....

All I know was unfair. All the others report mark by lecturer here got high marks. What about my report ?? One word Mr.P R said FAIL then habis la ?? It's so unfair if my report was mark here I would achieve a better mark for sure. I'm so unhappy with my marks. I don't care I'll appeal for it.


Thank God that I've pass my 2nd Commercial Law exam. Although it's not too well but still it's a pass. I won't expect much from this subject as it's really a tough subject. Marketing exam on Thursday. I have non-stop exams and assignments until end of November .... I'm so tired. I can't even sleep my mind doesn't want to rest .... it can't stop thinking. STRESS STRESS !!!!!!!!!

Don't even have time to read my favourite CLEO magazine due to the up coming marketing exam and I still got 3 more topics to study. Confirm tomorrow no need sleep liao

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Author **Suzanne** @ 11:09 PM Comments: 1

Whole Day Out

I was supposed to wake up at 10am this morning. Ended up awake at 10.30AM due rushing the marketing report till late night. Bath, had breakfast, drove and reached college at 11.20PM which is sooo later while the other 2 group members was there waiting for me and another friend of mine. Tabulated all our report together and handed it up about 12 something ... Finally we're done with presentation part of our Marketing subject. Oh no ... managment report coming out on monday? Wonder what will I get ... Hope not too bad but won't expect much cos it's a last minute work provided I'm kinda sick that time.

After passing up the report May, Shan and me headed to 1Utama shopping.Our actual plan was to go red box but sadly it was fully booked. We started shopping at Jusco looking for presents for some friends. It seems that we spent more money on buying presents for friends instead of shopping for ourselve. Lets see ... I see my RM50 flying away high into the sky today. *sob* I never bought anything for myself only did window shopping.

Headed for lunch at KFC.Wanted to order the meal of original+spicy chicken but "Sorry ... this set is no longer available". Ended up eating hot and spicy snack plate. By the way thumbs up for Jusco rapping centre. Good service was provided including free wrapping with Jusco paper ribon and card by puchasing any products from the store. We got our presents wrapped there.

Went for youth meeting today. Learned many things. Still want to know more ... After that headed to the same place I went in the afternoon again for a friend's birthday. He "cheng" all of us ate at Itallianis. The food was great including the drinks, spagetti and some dunno what u called mushrooms. My drink named Frozen Ocean which sound like it was some colourful drink but instead look more like a lemonade. Went for a movie after that. Birthday boy cheng us again. Thanks Kenneth for the dinner and movie, it was really great.

We watched The Myth, a Jackie Chan, Kim Hee Seon and Malika movie, I love the NG part it was kinda funny but poor Hee Seon got hurt so many times while acting.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 12:59 AM Comments: 0

Who's is that girl I see

Sometimes in the morning when I awake from sleep, I look upon the mirror and wonder who is that girl I see from the reflection. My mind was blank, I was thinking why am I being this girl, who is she and why can't I be another person instead.

I guess I'm really tired of my life repeating the same routine every day and week. Assignment after assignment yet exam after exam. It'll never stop I'll have to face it. Exam is just around the corner and I'm still here writing .. writing and writing.

4 hours of sleep yesterday due to the up coming presentation today. The 2nd Marketing presentation finally we are done with it and left with report to be handed up on sat morning. According to the lecturer we score highly in this 2nd presentation, 8.5/10 but the mark I counted was 7.5/10. So ... which is my group mark. By the way, it's all because of the hard work from my group ... Thank u May, Shan and Tai Lou.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 12:34 AM Comments: 1

Brand Names ....

I was doing this marketing presentation on brand names and suddenly I came through this interesting article. Kanebo when pronounced by Hokkien literally means "having sex with your mother" How about Toyota Carina
How about Mitsubishi Galant
How about Nissan's Bluebird ....... think senget abit blue is "lan" bird is ????

Can't blame me my mind is abit off due to too much stress lately just wanna find some lame joke to let everyone have a good laugh.

Well this is an interesting picture taken from 1 Utama centre court ....

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Author **Suzanne** @ 6:56 PM Comments: 0

Tong Hua

忘了有多久
再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错什么
*你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
(我要变成童话里)
(我会变成童话里)
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

一起写我们的结局

I just simply love this song .... waiting for my love one to sing to me .... muahaha .... the MTV makes me cry
I wonder who will be the one singing this to me? Mr.W Mr.X Mr.Y or Mr.Z ? I would be so touch so touch
相信我们会像童话故事里 means believe that we will be like those in the fairytale
幸福和快乐是结局 means Happily ever after . Wah seems that the person is cinderella in the fairytale.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 2:03 PM Comments: 0

R.AGE @ KDU

Yesterday the lauch of R.AGE one of the Star new pull-out was held at KDU college. Short but interesting event was held. Sadly I was not one of them to win those Stomp tickets or I would be so happy now. There were 300 free food provided for us. Well inside consist of banana cakes, fruit tarts and pastaries. Yum yum had that for my lunch. Sponsors gave us some free stuff such as Brand's essence of chicken, T3 face wipes and stickers. My friend and I was interviewed by one of the reporter *sigh* I was kinda nervous that time.

“Normally, the papers are heavy on entertainment news over weekends but with R.AGE, there is entertainment and that interests students,” said Lau.

Students Loh Li Shan, 19, and Tan Xze Zang, 19, echoed Lau's view.

Tan said the pullout’s interesting topics on student-related stories and announcements were informative and handy.

“We love the entertainment part best,” said Tan who collects the paper daily with Loh.

Lol ... it was erm not really what I answered but kinda something like that-la

What can I say about my life now? Many things are left unanswered ...

Messy messy messy ...
Just leave with it and go on ...

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Author **Suzanne** @ 11:44 PM Comments: 0

Which is TRUE and which is NOT ?

Which of these people are TRUE and which is NOT ? or ALL are not TRUE ?
Can you tell a person that you love her even you've not seen her as in face to face before ?
Someone told me something ... "Appreciate now or u'll regret later". This story got nothing to do with my reality life, it's my friend's I won't include the name.

Once this person had a gf but this person doesn't know how to appreciate and lost this girl. Until now he had been single for more than a year and very desperate to look for a gf to care for him. He said he regreted for treating this girl badly as in he's a playboy and bad tempered. Now he wishes for someone to care for him dearly, but there are no girls that he could find that'll be serious in a relationship. Many girls around him though most of the girls only care about clubbing and playing in their life. He felt sad looking at collegue's gf came all the way buying lunch for them. He wishes for someone to treat him like this now. Life to him is repeating the same routine everyday. Wake up go work lunch dinner sleep and so on. He said life would be more meaningful if there's someone to care for him now. He had also changed alot from a gangster and playboy to a decent working man now but he said life is still tough as in he had went through alot inclusive of suicide.

Please note that anything from my blog is only meant to be kept within. Do not gossip around as this is only a real life story of one friend of mine.

Went the Curve just now with aunt cos she wanted to change some toothbrush from her creditcard thingy. *scratches head* 8PM and the Curve and Ikano Power Centre both are so empty ... while 1 Utama would be pack like crazy at this time ... Still remember while I was working as part time this time was the most busy time ever in 1 Utama. *sigh* the Curve parking directions are so bad and confusing almost went into the wrong lane. Though I love to walk along the outdoor street at Curve during the night time. Seems to be very romantic if I ever can hold my love one's hand and walk along such romantic places. Ah ... stop dreaming la girl

Exam and presentation coming soon got to work real hard on it ....

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Author **Suzanne** @ 10:03 PM Comments: 0

Life has been real messy

I wanna settle down my life now which has been in a real mess in terms of everything ... I've miss alot in my studies due to being sick for whole last week ... No one is giving me pressure towards me on my studies but I know I wanna do the best of myself ... I do not wanna dissapoint anyone neither I do want to waste my parents' money. = So sorry if I didn't do well in my pass Law, Marketing and Accounting exam, I did my best, that's all I can do, will continue to work hard =

There are many many questions left unanswered in my head ... therefore should I seek answer for it ?first of all what do I want in my life ? I really don't know ... Every night I've been dreaming different dreams which I can't really remember what izzit all about but I know it's sad ones afterall

Every morning I wake up and I would be thinking ... what's the purpose of my whole life? Lately I feel so tired to wake up ... I just feel like sleeping through the day and no wake up... Asked myself why everyday I need to repeat the same routine face many problems which are unanswered in my life ? Sometimes I'll just look in to the mirror and wonder who's the one there ... I just can't recognise myself ... felt so lost ... felt so tired in life

I might look as if I am very cheerful infront of everyone but that's the purpose of me running away and hiding myself from facing all the problems ... I want to cry ... I need a shoulder to lean on ... I'm very tired ...

Life is really in a big mess now ... that's all I can say... many things are left unanswered ...

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Author **Suzanne** @ 10:30 PM Comments: 0

The NEVER Ending Assignmentsssss and Examssss

I'm so blur right now ... My eyes feel like shutting off any moment from now. I slept at 4AM yesterday night due to my Management assignment. I was supposed to hand up this assignment on Friday 12PM but I've given lecturer my MC and he allowed me to hand it up on Monday. *Sigh* I've got like tons of sources in this report, I didn't really bother to count and each and every single sentence I've abstract from books or journals need to be pharaphrase or it'll be considered as PLAGARISM. Extremly big word huh? This is considered as a serious case in my BUS145 Principles of Management subject. Chances of getting expelled from the University due to plagarism is very very high. Therefore, every single thing I've put in my report I've got to becareful. This is the main reason that took me soooooooo long to complete my report.

Sat for my Accounting exam today without studying a single thing in the text book. Too busy with my assignment that would cost 15percent of the whole subject. *Sigh* I've never even touch the book or take a glimps at the past year papers until I finsish my assignment at 11AM today. Ended up with all the exam questions coming from the past year papers and text book EXACTLY the same even the figures .... regret regret why didn't I study from there .....

Scream "Ahhhhh....." pimples popping out one by one on my face due to late nights and also the heavy workload. At least I can eat more now but still need to eat bit by bit can't eat too much at one go though stomach still wouldhave a sharp pain whenever I eat .... Keep on taking the medicine that's the only way.

Yawn Yawn I'm so tired today 3hours plus of sleep. Oh no I've forgotten about my case study to prepare for the 8AM tutorial tomorrow and my up coming marketing presentation. So many work to be done. Nowonder so many of them had left Murdoch and headed Northumbria. I'm very very tired. I guess that's all for today.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 10:33 PM Comments: 0

4 medicine to eat ? 3 times a day ? Oh no ...

Forced to see doctor again because the medicine I had was not helping. Add another 3 more medcine ... now I've got 4 types of medcine to eat in one single day. Still can't eat much due to too much acid in my stomach *ouch* hurts alot when I cough or sneeze. Sigh .. doctor said how long I'll recover from gastric depends on one individual. Every person takes different time to recover. If I finish my medicine and I'm still like that I need to take more ...

In the matter of love I guess there's no right or wrong ... I can't blame him for not loving me neither I can change his decision. I guess people or friends around me shouldn't blame or hate him. Yes I admit that the past 2 years he was treating me very badly. Afterall in this one year time I was very happy. He changed alot and treated me quite well compared to last time. Actually I guess I shouldn't had asked too much, it's good enough to have someone that cares for you. Maybe it's both of our fault for not comunicating properly to each other telling what we want. Can't blame him in this ... neither I can blame myself for this. Although he's abit bad tempered but well I guess I had got used to it after all these years. Till then I realise that there is someone worse out there ... I'm really very dissapointed

Well yea human made many mistakes in life and I do too ... Yes it's hard to let go it's very difficult to do so. In addition that I'm down with this *stupid* sickness now ... worse? I only feel like sleeping and not wake up to face the day.

:: I want to get well soon, I can't stand eating so many medcine, can't stand for not eating, can't stand for not sleeping well ::

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Author **Suzanne** @ 12:14 AM Comments: 2

Blame myself for having dyspepsia

The doctor diagnose that I have dyspepsia
Definition for dyspepsia - Dyspepsia is a pain or an uncomfortable feeling in the upper middle part of your stomach. The pain might come and go, but it's usually there most of the time.

What are the signs of dyspepsia?

Here are some of the signs of dyspepsia:

• A gnawing or burning stomach pain
• Bloating (a feeling of fullness in your stomach)
• Heartburn (stomach contents coming back up into your throat)
• Upset stomach (nausea)
• Vomiting
• Burping

What causes dyspepsia?

Often, dyspepsia is caused by a stomach ulcer or acid reflux disease. If you have acid reflux disease, stomach acid backs up into your esophagus (the tube leading from your mouth to your stomach). This causes pain in your chest. Your doctor may do some tests to find out if you have an ulcer or acid reflux disease.

If you have dyspepsia, your doctor will ask if you take certain medicines. Some medicines, like anti-inflammatory medicines, can cause dyspepsia.

Rarely, dyspepsia is caused by stomach cancer, so you should take this problem seriously. Sometimes no cause of dyspepsia can be found.

Everyday when it reaches morning I just don't feel like waking up. Forcing myself to climb up from the bed and forcing myself to eat. Who is to blame? I only can blame myself of being too "into" this relationship until I can't let go of it.

I know I have to choose to let go already there's no way of turning back anymore. I really do not want to be with someone that doesn't have me inside his heart. I want someone that would care for me when I'm sick, someone that would love me whole heartly.

I'm letting go ... I won't see him anymore. The more I see the more pain I'll feel deep inside my heart. I don't want to hear scolding from people anymore. I can no longer stand it. Neither I can be friends with him, it's too hard too pain.

I have to start eating or I'll end up in deep trouble. Went and see doctor today. Doctor said it's because of me being too stress and keeping too many things within myself. She asked me to cry it all out, asked me to talk to friends ... she ask me to let go. Gave me one medicine to take so that I would be able to eat. But after eating the medicine today I still fail to do so ... Am I really pushing myself too hard?

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Author **Suzanne** @ 9:58 PM Comments: 0

Suffering in deep pain

I've never ate anything today since morning. Everytime when I see food I don't feel like eating. I've force myself to swallow all the food but in the end I'll throw up every single thing I ate. It's really suffering ... I feel so weak ... I can't eat anything at all. How can I escape from this pain ? See doctor? But it's this a mental illness or I'm really doom to some kind of disease? I can't afford to be sick. Medical bills ... I'm very afraid of that. I can't even afford to pay on my studies want to talk about medical bills somemore? What if I'm really sick and need this huge amount of money? Mom had already decided to close down the shop at KL since there's loss instead of earnings every month. How about my siblings ? They need money for education also right ... Rather use those money on them instead of me.

Why must I go through all these phases? How many times I need to be hurt? I can't take it anymore. I need love instead of pain in this kind of condition. What had I done that make him not want to be with me anymore? Rather see me in pain at this kind of condition instead of caring for me? I really want to know what had I done? I've given him all the best of everything... I've care and love for him so much so much. Neither I can forget those memories. Everytime I close my eyes I'll see them ... I've never even forget one of them. I tired to let go I've tried my best and I ended up in this kind of condition I do not wish to be in.

What's my fault for loving one person so deeply? Where's my fault for caring for him so much? What's my fault for doing so many things for him? I don't know ... What had I done? U wanted me back so much last time when ur suffering in pain, I was there for u when u needed me so much. I was so willingly to give u another chance ... but I've nothing left now ...

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Author **Suzanne** @ 7:06 PM Comments: 0

Exams ... Assignments ... Exams ... Assignments

I'm really tired of all these non-stop assignments and exams which completely filled up my whole timetable until end of November and my birthday have to fall during my finals *sigh*. Just finished my 1st Marketing and Commercial Law exams and now Management assignment due this friday. Still trying to look for sources all over the places including library and internet but nothing seems to be relevant and this subject referencing is extremly STRICT. A little mistake in referencing would cause me to lose many marks for this particular assignment.

Just couldn't understand why my college library is so lack of useful books? Hey restock some business course books instead of those for Hotel&Tourism. We need more useful books here. One more thing, why can't the library lower the air-condition inside ? Everytime when I'm studying or doing my work, I just couldn't stand it. Shivering ... it's as cold as Genting Highlang. Most probably 14 celcius inside.

I'm struggling ... should I give up upon him? Who'll be the right one? When will I get to meet to right one? I've met a few but none of them are the right one? I'm really confused... confused by what I felt deep inside my heart. Why must I care so much ? Why must I love someone I shouldn't love ? Well I guess I'm too softhearted ... that's why I ended up to be the one getting hurt all the time. I guess after dragging too long I'll eventually find out the answer soon ... to love or not to love ... to love who and not to love who?

Lastly, I would like to say thanks to all my beloved friends bringing me out on friday night to Halo Cafe. Had a great time 'racing' home on the Sunway bridge ... lol

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Author **Suzanne** @ 10:11 PM Comments: 0

Looking at the others ...

Looking at the other couples holding hand, laughing, talking ... reminds me of myself. I used to have one beside me too and now I'll be walking all by myself.

What's love? 1st impression on that person and u think u love him/her? Well I don't think so. Love need to be develope within a long period of time. It's not one day neither two days ... it's years. Normally people don't get married after like knowing the person for days or months unless they are really desperate =P There are many memories to be shared both happy and sad times. The relationship would go stronger after obstacles they went through. If you really love a person you would care alot for them.

Supposed to go college and do my assingment today but all of us felt so stressed up and we ended up in 1U playing pool. I jump cue jump until the white ball drop outside the table for 3 times ... *sigh* what's wrong with me? My skill was not that bad before. Maybe I'm just so not in the mood. My mind flew somewhere else.

I'm really confused now ... everything I just couldn't understand I don't even know what I want.
Somethings must be left unanswered maybe it'll be better that way. Don't ask me what type of guy I like because I never thought of it before.

The sentence would continue anymore : Good night, sweet dreams, take care minus the I love you from it ... Used to be the sentence I'll say every night

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Author **Suzanne** @ 9:40 PM Comments: 0

We can ONLY be FRIENDS

This morning is the unluckiest day I've ever had. 1st of all I'm supposed to wake up at 7AM in the morning and I don't know why my alarm didn't rang and i ended up waking up at 7.45AM. 1st thing of all " S*IT I'm late for my Marketing exam at 8.30". Rush downstairs just to realise that my aunt is using the bathroom and I can't go in and bath ? Late somemore ... Grab a 2B pencil and rush to college. Suddenly ... "Eh why my 2B pencil head sudah hilang? Just to realise that it got stuck at my bag and patah dan itu bag kena black lead?!" Halfway going college got stuck in the jam. Some car stop in the middle of the road and I've gotta wait for that 5minutes traffic light again?! Fine ... thought it's all over and almost reach college. Now ?! Pulak stuck at the junction cos of one stupiD bus cannot move make the whole road jam up. I gave up I left the car and start walking to college just to realise that it's already 8.25 . Ran up to the exam room but ter-heard wrong room end up walking into a class where people halfway having lecture. Everyone turn their head around and look at me, so darn embarrassing. Finally I reach there in time and guess what now ? " Sorry your Marketing paper has not reached KDU yet, the e-mail system down they are faxing it over now, all of you are QUARANTINE for one hour." And I've finally started my exam at 9.30AM ... *SIGH* just to realise that we have to change our exam room again and even the lecturer brought us into the wrong room.

He said " We can only be friends". What more can I said or do ? Seems that everything in my life is decided by other people. They ask me to do so I'll have to follow. The 4 year relationship has come to an end. I have to accept the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. What's the use of crying every night? It's a mistake then it'll be forever a mistake. I'm still very very badly HURT

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Author **Suzanne** @ 12:20 AM Comments: 0

It's all over

He had just end the 1year plus+2year plus = 3 years plus long relationship with me. Until now I still didn't manage to find out what's the reason lying behind. Could someone suddenly not love you anymore ? What will be the reason ? Most probably it's because he have someone else in mind again ?

How could he forget about all the memories and every single little thing I've done for him? Don't he remember who's the one taking care of him 3days straight in the hospital? Who's the one who planned a birthday party for him? and did and bought 6 different birthday gifts on that day? That day, he was the one who gave me a kiss and told me that he was very happy about what I've done for him and what happen now ?

• He was the one begging me to get back with him. He kneel down on the knees just to hear a "I love u" from me and now he doesn't even want it anymore.
• He felt jealous when he sees me with other guys and now he don't care.
  
• He always wanted to hug me and held me in his arms and now he don't need it from me anymore.
  
• He always wanted me beside him to share his problem but now he say he can settle it by himself.
  
• He was the one who brought me to clinic when I'm sick and now he won't care anymore.
• He was the one who wipe off my tears when I'm crying and now I have to wipe it by myself.
• Everytime after arguing he'll put me in his arms and say sorry and now we wouldn't even be arguing.
• He used to care alot even there's a small cut on my hand and now he say it's just a small thing it doesn't matter.
• He used to put me on his shoulders when I feel sleepy but now he'll leave me alone sleeping on the seat.
• He will cover the blanket for me whenever I feel cold but now he'll only cover for himself.
• He used to hold my hand and walk around and now he purposely move his hand away from me.
• He would ask me to look into his eyes and ask me what do I see but now he can't even bother to give a look on me.
• He used to carry heavy books for me but now I guess I've gotta learn to carry it by myself.
• I used to fall asleep beside him when he's watching TV but now there's nothing left.
• We used to hold hand and walk around in the night market buying food but now we're no longer together.
• He celebrated my b'day with me last year and I know this year I would be celebrating it alone instead.
• Used to celebrating special events together but there are no events to be celebrated anymore.
  
• Used to play around very much but now it's impossible.
• He used to protect me from harm and now I've gotta learn to defence myself.

Everthing changes when he say it's all over. No more couple no more memories ... everything is gone. So many more to be said but would he care ?
If I would had made the right decision last time, I wouldn't be here crying every night? How could he be so cruel ? I gave him a chance and accepted him back that time. Now I'm left alone with nothing given. I was so willingly to love him all over again that time but now he doesn't want anything from me. I was being so kind to him and what I gotten back from that is pain ...

He promise to love me and to give me a better life. This was what he used to tell me " Thinking about all the bad things I've done, memories of me and you, having to hurt you so deeply, pushing you down deep the hole, making use of you to fulfil my every needs, how follish of me, how bad of me, how I wish I could turn back the time, where you were once mine, I'd freeze the time and no one can take u away and you won't have feelings but love me forever."
And now ? it doesn't mean anything anymore cause he had decide to hurt me all over again like last time.

"Your feelings for me lightens up my days, your every words of love heals my painful moments,your very presence makes me feel ease, your touch makes me happy, embracing you brings sweet memories, I love you."
I guess he had forgotten all about what he told me, because I no longer stand a place in his heart and he don't love me anymore.

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Author **Suzanne** @ 12:19 AM Comments: 0