Decision that has been made ...
I've made the decision and nothing will change ...
I know many ask why ...
I've tried to reason many times, but who will actually believe what's going on, if you do not go through like how I did ... I guess this explained why around 3 of them I met in the previous training which is a month ago had left ... People want to think I'm useless I don't really care
Mostly family support what I'm doing because everyday they saw how frustrated I am ...
I'm sure my future will be much brighter than this ... very sure ...
Night ...
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Faded feelings ..
Somehow I don't know why, I feel like part of the feelings had been faded, I no longer feel that way anymore, no longer like how things used to be ..
Maybe I'm really tired with things that's going around .. or probably I'm really getting tired with that attitude when a person don't really have the initiative to do something. Maybe I shouldn't expect so much, or I shouldn't ask for that much as I know that these things will never come true. Sometimes I've been thinking that I've done way too much, I think I should do less so that my expectation towards the return part would be lower.
If there's someone out there who's willing to do that much, that period would only last when that guy is dying to chase you but after that dream on or can go down to the drain when the word marriage is being tied up. Mens is that kind of human being. Making them to learn how to appreciate is even more difficult than reaching the stars.
I've only wish that there's one day, things will be done without me asking for them and repeating a million times in order to get things in the way that will make me happy.
I'm too much of a perfectionist, expecting everything to be done in a perfect way? Also the answer that I hate to hear is I dunno, I not sure, anything la, see how la by then .. perfectionist
Sometimes I just pause for a moment and I think .. "What the hack am I doing in my life now?"
My answer towards myself is "I don't really know, will I regret in near future?"
Seeking for answers that cannot be found I rather go sleep.
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Rantings
Everyone tells me the same thing .. Do not quit your job until you found another one ..
But if you were in my situation I think you'll think twice, selling is one thing, environment is another thing, meeting target is the worse case ever having someone calling you everyday to push sales and someone coming over 24/7 to check on you, another worst ever is having a pervert in office. Closing 4 sales in one week time? Impossible, closing one already hard enough. Don't meet target kena scold only la ..
Many said that this job does not suit me, I'm more of a creative person who can contribute and provide good ideas to the marketing team. Problem is .. whether those company is willing to give me a chance to let me show them what I have.. Hopefully when the Loreal management trainee hiring date comes to an end, I'll be one of the selected candidate. Yes I like fashion and beauty a lot, I used to sketch clothes .. reason why I did not study what I wanted is because those courses are too expensive, lucky to those people who get to choose what they want in life.
I guess if there's passion in work = high motivation
If I leave my job, people will say that I'm useless .. but hey do you really think I care about what you say? I'm proud enough that I've live in the environment of without a seat neither anything in the office belongs to me for 1 and half freaking months. Having to check who's on leave everyday so that I can sit there to use the phone to do telemarketing. That's how I live .. no sense of belongings.
There's much within me, just that I'm not given a proper chance to use them yet .. yet .. If there's I'm sure in 5years time, my salary will be 4times of what I have now.
My cousin's colleague is more like mine, I have lunch with them almost everyday than some stuck up people that I do not want to mention. Maybe their nose is stuck to the ceiling.
We were chatting all sorts of rubbish every time during lunch, till I found out she knows my so-and-so punya's blah and blah. Well, I only have to say I rather live with a someone in the moderate income group having humble and friendly environment. Less expectation from you and always feel comfortable being there. Physically speaking no doubt that people always think that I go for money sake to be with someone. Well, if you think so then you're so wrong, I won't even accept a cent for nothing, I know what's call hard earn money and I don't simply take ppl's things.
When you look down on me, I'll make myself better to prove to you one day in future.
I just want a simple lifestyle than a complicated one, you can live rich but are you happy?
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Guess what ..
Probably I got extremely over stressed up by my job or
I'm just fulfilling what he had wanted .. "I like girls with short hair"
So I've fulfilled your wish since years ago when you bug me to get a short haircut
I look like a boy now from behind ..
Chopped off my 4years long of hair I've kept, wait no I had long hair since I was form3/4 that makes around 7 to 8 years .. I've never once then cut my hair that short .. Most also until shoulder length. This time .. ear length longer abit .. After looking at myself in the mirror I've got no comment, however I feel so light now ..
Curly long long hair, you'll now be in my book of history .. I'll miss you so much, seeing chucks of badly damanged yellow hair I swept on the floor ..
Oh I swept the floor because my mom cut my hair =P
I think I still prefer the one she cut at 1st before she asked me to sit down again to get a trim second time .. which is chopping another inch off again .. because that 1st cut wasn't "bob" enough, looks a bit flat .. and I look at myself in the mirror with a shorter hair. Maybe will look better when grows a bit more later, hopefully ..
Sorry no pictures yet .. the hairstyle I have now looks exactly like Hebe in S.H.E
Just that she still look so pretty even with short hair, really don't know how she style ..
So I've got to say I look like a pretty handsome boy haha ..
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Can you believewhat I just found out ...
AIR ASIA is flying to Perth Soon???
http://bp0.blogger.com/_3ICoYitVIRE/SCr54_E9heI/AAAAAAAACDE/ogdvTleHedQ/s1600-h/AIRASIA+perth.jpg
How true is this and when is AirAsia gonna do this ...
I'm so excited, but thinking that they promoted Gold Coast like years ago until this year only they really started ...
If this is so true, means I can go visit my dear anytime I want ...
How about this ...
"Hey I've got a long break this weekend, let's go dating later, wait for me I'll be there in 5 hours" ... as if I'm driving up to Penang, seriously flying is being commercialized, AirAsia made their organisation's goal towards the consumer which is EVERYONE CAN FLY.
or "Hey darling I think I miss eating satay and the toilet at home ... I shall go home and shit in 5hours time ..."
AirAsia, I guess this is the only thing that Malaysian can be proud, an airline that turned from million of debt to one offering low cost earning high profit for now. If you don't know go read up AirAsia's case, interesting one, showing how Tony manage to turn the whole business around.
Gonna be so happy jumping off the roof if what I saw on their website is true and will implement in like 1-2months time.
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I so hope to get what I've wished for ....
Everything seems so far away from me, everything seems so messy now .. The road in front of me is filled with doubts and anxiety, covered with a path that's filled with uncertainties ..
I do not know, but is that what every graduate will feel?
I've landed myself on the wrong path, which I'm very sure that I do not want to continue anymore. Seeking for another one is more difficult than ever ....
My heart is filled with worries, falling into the depress state which I never want to be ..
I wish there's a light guiding me to the right path as I only see dark clouds ahead of me ..
I've always wanted to fulfill that dream before I start working. Well, all I can do now is continue to suffer if I want that dream to come true. Everyday I'm telling myself, just a bit more, a few more days, a few more weeks but I find it so difficult to even drag myself up every morning. Everyday I'm staring at the calender hoping weekends and public holiday come soon. I'm not motivated, not at all ..
I tell myself to suffer a bit more, just to get that amount of money to fulfill my dream. Even how hard everyday .. I feel like ending this journey the next moment.
I do not have rich parents to supply me like you people out there, parents paying for each and single thing you want. I never blame my parents for this but I thank them for teaching me what's the valuable things in life. They thought me how to value money in life, they thought me to work hard for something I want, but not just merely sucking for their money all the time, from this I've learned to appreciate things more than ever, especially from my hardwork. So if you ever see me doubting whether to buy something in the shopping complex even as below 50, you should know why and don't rush me because I make sure I do not waste my hardwork.
I do envy those who only need to ask and their parents supply them over thousands Ks, just to fulfill whatever their child wants. You know, all I wanted is just to head to Perth for a holiday, and this already cost me alot, I need to work hard for what I want. I asked their reply would be "Dream on, where to find money?".
So this is what I've wished for ever since last year, I've even planned hoping things come true ..
I'm in deep stress mood .. so many things in my mind .. who would care to know .. who would care to acknowledge what I'm going through ..
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My life depleted to half
My life recently had depleted to half due to many circumstances, especially the job I'm facing now. I do not know what should I do at the mean time, quit or continue ....
I'm so stress up by many many things .... when I'm so over stress my chest hurts ....
Many said I'm bringing the problem to myself, but then do you know what I'm going through?
If yes then you can say so, I do not know what lies infront of my future, I only know that I'm longing to see him.
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Time passes by way too fast
I still remember last year I was thinking, "Oh goodness I won't be there to celebrate his birthday with him next year and he's so far away .. I bet I'll feel so sad over this" .. Even planned to go to Perth at this time actually, but you know money matters. Well, now everything had just went passed like this just as if things were just yesterday. So yeah, Happy Birthday my dear.
Although I might not be beside you this time round after 7years of celebrating your birthday ..
1st year when I first met you, form3 classmates came up and told me "Hey you want to share a present for Wai Yip(hahaha, who else call you with this name) we want to buy .." I forgot what they wanna buy for you. That time, I was still with my ex. Opps, not many ppl know I do have an ex.
2nd year this was form 4, when I decided to turn my lover to my dears F4, this time I remember, I share the present, the teddy you kept in the box for years until now. I even remember what I wrote in the card, something funny, which is "Happy Birthday .. make A wish .. make A wish .."(Vick Chou punya song). How lame can I be?
3rd was during form 5, your current sim card now, which I've paid RM123 (that was how expensive sim card was during that freaking time). Goodness.. Well it's because of the necklace you give me that's why I'm willing to pay so much for your present =P How we celebrated, I forgot? Er was it at McD .. or ..
4th year was during my foundation year, that time .. it was the worst year ever, shitty succky, when youuuuu broke up with me. We went 1u with some friends and I bought you 4types of cake from Bread Story and you pandai pandai go give the cakes to other people. Never thought of how I felt that time, I bought those damn cakes just for you. Also this wallet from Tropicana life, which has retired the last christmas since I've bought another one =P Don't know that time who say .. "I don't love you anymore, I want to concentrate in studies(Bull's punya SHIT)" Then after I've found someone else, someone came down on his knees to beg me. Angry ah? I dig out ur shameful stuffs.
5th year we had dinner at this KJ place which we initially planned to go for steamboat. I gave you 3giordano shirts, 2 already gone case thanks to your maid, and some other stuffs. Where's the photo you took?
6th year dinner at this Seafood restaurant together with Priscilla. What [present? I know, the pouch, the bottle, the shirt, the BIG BIG album which is collecting dust now.
7th year which is last year, we celebrate at Sakea Sushi, spent around RM70 swiping your card =P Then you had a party at your house as well. Manchester shirt, how come you never wear liao T.T
So many memories and I don't know why I have such good memories that I recall each and every of them.
Happy 22nd Birthday my dear, even though I'm not beside you but still my heart is always with you. From next year onwards, we'll celebrate each of these special date together, each and every chance we have together, we shall appreciate..
This was during year 2005, blackforest cake .. btw he don't like chocolate cakes !
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When Everything Turns So Disheartening
Sometimes, I just can't help asking ... How come things ended this way ?
Even I've turned off my Msn pretending that I'm going to bed, but yet I realise that my mind is filled with tons of things, that will eventually make me stay awake even how sleepy I'm now.
Well, first it's about the job, that I've paid so much to earn a lesson, a lesson to learn what I want in life.. and not just barely listening to other people saying "Why until now you still haven't found a job" that kind of pressure and also looking solely based on money that I've accepted the job. Looking for a job in FMCG industry is not easy at all, whether it's a product or brand executive, they only want people with at least 2years experience. Especially passing the qualification of these big big companies. I'm really getting fedup of doing nothing everything for 3weeks already, except for photostating. And yes I hate doing sales.
Finally gotten my half month's paid salary, so now others complaining that I am so kedekut that I'm not willing to take out the money for my family's usage and so on. So what if I tell them I'm planning to save for myself to go for a holiday over at Perth? That requires around 2.5k at least? They'll still say I'm stingy and I only think about myself. Think and see, I'm a girl and my brother is a boy, a girl has much more things to buy every month compare to a guy and I have to go out eat everyday. They just can't stop complaining and comparing saying I'm useless. I'm tired of listening to all this at times, sometimes just feel like better still without my presence so that you people can live in peace.
To you people I was never good enough in everything. Whether it's my family or other people outside .. whatever I've done is never enough. In the end I'll only get many insults. So what's the whole point of me being here at all ?
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