-__-III
Sometimes it's good that some people mind their own business rather than minding other people's one as if they really care so much. Do you know once you've care too much you've cross the line where you're not supposed to cross? So what does things gotta do with my boyfriend have something to do with you? Do you see the word MY there, if you don't mind please do mind your own business. I would appreciate it if you could just leave us both alone, for now and forever.
At least what I've waited for all these years, I manage to see some of the returns since last year and more n more bits of them lately ... I want this to last ...
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
The Working Life
Joining the working world isn't as easy as study. There are many more things to be considered in this stage, no longer means I wanna ponteng then I can choose to be lazy today, neither those days of movies and shopping and having fun days still applies.
I felt that I had not talk to people for ages, I mean I felt like my social life is dead, you know the sims game whereby the person has a bar limit and mine is towards the red. My best friends now are The Star newspaper and magazines. I had lunch alone today, well and fine, I'm still living happily. Well if some wants to disguise me I have nothing to say, because I have done my part and I have nothing to worry. My job everyday is to sit down, smile and look at people. Or photostat. Better than nothing to do. Some are really good to me, esp the senior office lady, kind. Some just give me that black face and practically telling me I should get lost.
Working in high class place such as damansara heights will kill, because almost everyday there'll be people who come and make some noise over small little things. I can say they're worse than a 3years old kid. A nuisance customer came and scold me for nothing because I was sitting at the customer service table. Or some customer just showing me black face because I told them I cannot access the banking system. Sometimes rich people are the worse group of people in the whole society, they just don't know the meaning of humble. Under all circumstances I still have to say sorry to them and smile.
There's much more things to be considered in life, now I know why the adults tell me "Enjoy your college days before you go to work". Not only that but also my own personal life towards this young adulthood. I find that many things when I was "innocent" during those younger days no longer applies now, perceptions and mind has changed a lot. I guess everyone have to go through this phase one day ...
Like before this I do not know where and what I should proceed in my career, setting a goal for myself to achieve, finding a specific industry that I would be successful in the years to come. Now I had decided what I want to do and I'll continue looking and working hard into things I want. Not only about this but I expect the person I'm gonna be with in the future, to be someone who's the same with me, someone who'll work hard towards things, someone who'll have self determination, someone that will handle things well and someone who is mature.
I had been thinking a lot about what I want in life. Somehow these days I just feel pretty empty not having a person to lean on by my side. But it's well and good for me to learn how to be independent.
I've thought that we had really went through many things in life, wondering why some times I've done so much but yet the outcome of somethings might not go the way you want. In a simple way without twisting and turn , I would just say I'm really feeling tons of stress weighing on my shoulders being with someone whereby the family does not support. Ever since that incident happened, I felt like things had changed a lot, because b.aunty had revealed to me in her attitude that how everyone there is thinking about me. And string that is broken, cannot be joint as one anymore. I even wonder I should continue, if I am feeling so unhappy with so many things. Having myself to wear mask over every time. But now I really do not want to care about anything anymore, because even I do so last time, the result I got is to be insulted. Well and fine, accept or not for who I am, is not a choice for you.
I will prove to people that business student is the smartest people you have in market, or else where do you think the country get the profit from without having business minded people? if I ever hear anyone say business student is useless, I'll make you regret on what you said in 5years time. Just like what I said, when people are rich, they tend to have attitude to look down on others.
My lecturer, the one who had known me well for 4years plus until today, she knows well about me as she is the one who marked my assignments, she knows my work and my personality from top to bottom. She said something that had even made the determination for my career stronger. She said "Why are you doing something that does not suit you at all, you do not need to put yourself in such situation..." . She told me I have the potential in other field especially the FMCG industry, product and brand management. She say I'll be successful there, she know that I'm a person who's able to lead in future, also hardworking when I really want something in my life.
Everything she mentioned to me was exactly what I was thinking for the past week. These situation had even made me gain confirmation on the area I should proceed. I had gained a lesson that money is not everything but the passion for work also comes in whereby the things you do in work plays an important role as well. If the company ever review those marketing plan I've done during my college days. Or at least they would take me in.
My dear friends, young graduates, you all may seem to see that money is everything now, but no because you can slowly move on during the years and eventually the income will increase. Starting high does not mean that things will be good, so does starting low does not mean things will be bad because in the years to come, for those who's willing to work hard, your income will be triple. Patient is the key to everything.
Finally a weekend for me.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Frustrated
Why are things getting around my nerves these days ...
Maybe my period is coming that makes me feel so emo ...
But people can't stop picking on me to make me mad ... Why it's always me and not other people ... It's always me that I'm not doing something right .. Other people don't get such comments for not attending ... I just do a bit of things only then such big reaction is given to me .. you know WHATEVER, I don't really care anymore.
If my cousin is not working near me, I practically eating alone every day, I know her colleagues much more better than those in my branch. I want to make an initiative to talk to them but they're always busy handling things. Her colleagues seems to be much friendly ... and they don't give me weird stare as if I'm some weirdo doing nothing in the branch. Life's hard isn't ... but still have to continue ... I feel so tired pulling myself up every morning.
If there's something I have passion with ...
So you feel like you don't know me anymore? I'm complaining too much lately. Beginning to lose myself and turn into someone else.
Working tomorrow. Good night.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
When you need someone the most ....
When you face problems through your life,
when you wish that there's really someone there to talk about,
when you really feel down needing support,
when you feel like giving up ....
In return friends are the who's telling me not to give up, telling me how should I go about, telling me that they would come n ask me out for lunch, telling me that they'll keep me in prayers ....
The one who always told me that he'll me there no matter what, the one who said he'll be my listener all time and tolerate me with whatever that's gonna come, but everything turn the opposite way, in the end what I got was scoldings telling me that I'm being too much, complaining over the job and so on, even I cried out tears that's enough to fill a damn river, he does not have a single feeling for me at all. He just said damn it's your fault for everything, making the situation like this, not even trying to understand what I'm going through .. is this call love?
Love need alot of patient and tolerance, I've given that part everytime he needed me the most, I send numerous msg, I do everything I could to give him the comfort, but now at this point when I needed someone the most, things doesn't goes the other way round, every single blame is place on me, even talking to me in one kind of attitude that really pissed me off until I shouted. Well, if the blame is on me I had nothing to say, I'm in the verge of giving up .. in everything ..
No matter whether I apologise on that matter that I shouted, no he's not forgiving but instead continue scolding and putting the blame on me. This had really made me think that he's not the one that I can spend a life time with or the one I would want to get married in the future. If even such little tolerance he can't give to me. How if next time if we are to have a family, and even small things like this can't pass?
I'm frustrated enough with many many things around me, yet people I need the most is so discouraging. I've done nothing serious until you need to make me feel as bad as how I feel now.
Someone always tell me that there must be a guy who will treat me very well in future will appear, she said I deserve more than that, because what I've given out all these years to a guy, eventually one day I will find someone who's willing to do the same to me in future. You know, I really wish whatever you say will come true ....
What's the whole point of folding a star when you know you're waiting for an empty hope ?
I'm really mad tonight....
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Things I want for now ...
See my birthday is like 7months away ... and these are the things I want, LOL, or PROBABLY if I work very hard to earn commissions or stay long enough in pbank, I would probably get a bonus and fulfill part of my wishes.
1 CAR, specifically a Perodua ViVa I guess, though I prefer MyVi 40k++
I think car is the one I need the most now, purpose of convenient and also traveling to my work place BUT money is another big problem, whether I can support so many loans and bills every month. Education loan, car loan, insurance, phone bills, internet bills ... nothing left
2 Laptop - around 2K ?
Might need a laptop after I work
3 PSP - RM700?
For fun haha
4 External HDD 120G - RM200?
The memory in my computer is depleting
5 Olympus waterproof camera - RM1.2k
I like this camera very much
6 New handphone
My old oneK500i is giving tons of problem after I dropped the phone into the water, 1st the battery will only last around 16hours per day, if I receive up to 3calls one day, the phone battery no more, now the phone cannot off ... well, I'm fine with the current W800i, problem is the phone doesn't belongs to me for long.
7 A Miniature Schnauzer
I was a male one, more of a companion for me, also I'm a dog lover
*always dreaming that my schnauzer walking into my room from the door tied with a ribbon on his collar writing "Happy Birthday Suzanne"*
Well I think out of the 7things, only like 1 is possible ... so I can dream on about other things. I always *bu she de* to buy things for my personal usage, in short I very kedekut, unless the thing is something I really like or necessary I would only buy them. I more of willing when it comes to buying thing for that special *someone*. I always take a long time to decide on buying a thing, the sales ppl normally get frustrated with me =P Uhh ... thinking of money every time makes me feel extremly stress.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Journey of starting work
continue from the previous post ....
When you're not working you don't see the need of spending, but after you starting working and when you earn a salary you start counting and calculating for everything. I'm tied up with a education loan that I need to pay off every month costing me RM200, paying for two household which is the one I'm staying now and of course my parents since my dad is the only one working now and my brother his income is pretty low starting as chef, also my soon to start college sister.
Management said I should consider getting a car as a sales staff, provided they would provide my a low interest car loan immediately, low well I do not know how low is that, I'm planning to get a Perodua ViVa, which is less costly than MyVi. Well, getting a car is another added burden as well in terms of paying of loan every month, insurance, maintenance and petrol.
So in conclusion I think probably I'll have no $$ left every month, unless I don't eat or don't buy anything for myself at all. Argh, how about those monthly personal stuffs that I really do need? A car is such a heavy burden to me. What about the trip I've plan? Worse still .. I thought things would be better off if I find a job, but terbalik more burdens and things are placed on me once I start earning money here. Also, not to forget from now on I pay for my own phone bills.
Thank you, I'm poured with many worries and tight budgeting now. I shall eat bread. No but I can't get any thiner. Troubled mind.
So you guys out there, parents who give you everything from car to house, imagine how lucky are you people not having to pay for this sorts of things in your life. While yet some spoil brats does not know how to appreciate such things. I get a car, I'll be tied with two freaking loans. I wish that I'm still young so all this wouldn't be my concern. I start to dislike growing up that fast.
You know what I feel like doing now? Finding a rich man and get married with him and make him settle all things of mine, just like what each and every other girls said.
Sometimes, you do wish that others could have understand what you've done so far .. being patience all these while, but no they just think otherwise of you, they think everything you do have a purpose behind. Maybe my face just give them the impression that I'm a bad girl, the evil one who's trying to steal things away from them? Or pretty much I have the bitchy look/attitude just like Cindy in MDG? Probably. No wonder they hate me so much, LOL.
I feel like don't know since when our distance had been wider, at times I really don't feel like saying a word because I'm more afraid of being annoying. Probably due to what happened that night which had really made me think alot, many evaluations on what had been said and so on. Sometimes, I would just glance at my phone, should I sms? Many times I've chose to pull back, one as like what I've mentioned afraid that I'm annoying and I do not want to portray as stealing your time.
Many thoughts are running through my mind, maybe I shouldn't think so much ..
If you could just think of what I've done so far and not to argue with me over a small thing, which makes me feel like I can't live with such a person in future of my life. No I've never put the blame on you even they insulted me, no neither I did count with you on many any other matters .. this is just a small matter and you reacted on me. I'm glad you apologise but I'm afraid of many things ahead ....
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Supposedly I should be very happy that I've found a permanent job, but how come worries came by more than being glad that I've found a moderate pay job. Many people say the pay is pretty high, but think and see the life we're living now everything had raise, including petrol and food, having that amount of money is not enough for anything at all. After minus the EPF and Sosco which is around RM400 per month I guess? Well see there's not much left afterall.
I shall rant about that later.
I shall now rant about the damn medical check up process, the designated clinic at the Ambank clinic sucks like shit, please ignore my language, you'll know after what I've went through. Nurses there practically have no basic manners at all, they didn't study moral or no one taught them. Also, they didn't really check about your health condition, just cincai go through that's all.
I've the worse encounter with this bladdy X-ray lady, whether she's having menopause or whatever, X-ray room was at the end of the clinic so I took my bag and walk there. She scolded me "Why you walk so slow, faster la". After she saw me not tying up my hair and my necklace still on my neck again she said "Why didn't you do this earlier!" I was like WTF, your damn ppl never told me to do so? She asked me to put down my bag but never stated where, again she scolded "Why are you so dumb, I ask you to put your bag there, listen to instruction girl!" WTF again. While I was keeping my necklace in the bag, again "Can't you be faster, what are you doing!". Next on, "What are you writing here, how to spell your name!". I think she's blind or what shit, everyone knows my writing is not that terrible until you cannot read. Next she asked very rudely saying "You wear contacts? How old are you? Single or married?". Then she just cincai pointed on the eye-test board where you're supposed to read, I read one wrongly she don't even give a damn. What a terrible experience. Bloody I was at the point of saying F you. Bitch.
Only most well mannered person there is the doctor. Results? Of course I passed the medical, I don't even think they've check properly. Nurses there are rude like shit, everyone of them.
From next week onwards, I'll be in the working life, working people welcome me into your life of waking up early early morning every weekdays, no more my beautiful sleep. I guess I need to wake up at 6.30 from next week onwards, travelling down with LRT and walking eats up much time especially in the morning. I'm working in the HQ first, then only proceed to the branch.
To be continue after dinner ..
Every thing's about money now
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
When you have nothing to do ....
At times when you have nothing to do at home, you tend to think alot ....
I was wondering am I choosing the right path after all? Working with bank and so on .. I'm not sure but I can said I wouldn't know until I start the job or so. Well pretty much I chose that as my main priority is due to the high payment. Also the working time only from Mon to Fri, plus all the other benefits.
If I am a millionaire then I would choose to do whatever I like, my dream job is to have my own magazine company, something like Cleo magazine but I think there's still many rooms of improvement for all the local magazines we have here. Selling point of japanese and taiwan magazines had really hit the local ones, because the content was much informative as compare to those locals, I guess too much words. Readers would prefer to see pictures when you're trying to explain something. Around one year ago, many magazines store start to import in all these overseas magazine and they're really selling hot here.
First main thing is that the magazines here they don't use local models, probably local models are not popular enough LOL. Also, the products and brands introduce by them is like pretty limited, every month they're almost the same to me nothing new and fresh. Maybe those company paid alot for them to advertise? However, the magazine I read they 'dare' to place comparison between brands and they even did things like research in the market.
I'm dreaming too much right? Owning a magazine company? Creating those blueprint and so on. zzZZZZzzZZ I should stop dreaming and get on with life =P
Also, I'm thinking why am I wasting my time at home now doing nothing? Things are getting real bored. Instead shouldn't I have the passion of doing something? Er.. wait like what? I don't know as well. Me loves going traveling. If I'm born rich, I would ask my parents for money and I'll tell them I wanna go for a long vacation before I start work. Places I would want to go before I have a child in the future, Hong Kong, Korea, Taiwan, Japan(Hokkaido), Italy(Rome and Venice), U.K, Australia(Perth,Brisbane, Sydney, Gold Coast). Next year, I'll go somewhere near 1st how about Bangkok? Bali? Medan? Phuket?
Please do not tempt me to buy anything expensive for myself, hopefully when I start work, I can save enough for Singapore and Perth.
Then about the previous post, 1 more thing that I do not understand about guys. I think for them to acknowledge what a girl had done for them is pretty hard right? They would probably forget the next second even how hard or how long you really took to plan something for them. Or probably they're just too shy or think that there's no need to tell others about all these. However, opposite way the girl tend to think that if a guy ever remembers these things, she will feel being cherish or she'll feel very proud that the guy is not shy to let others know? Funny, no wonder they said men and women are from different planets in terms.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Guy and flowers
I was chatting over with my friend that day, wondering why guys do not like to buy flowers or do some romantic things ...
WHY?
My bf said this to me, buying flowers is not a good sign, because the flowers will eventually die off and that means our relationship will end up that way too. - What a good excuse here ...
I actually don't really mind whether the guy does buy flowers for me, because I think they're such a waste, I prefer something more practical. If you buy like one or three stalks of roses, that would be enough for me. The only day I expect a bouquet of flowers will be the day of proposal. Graduation, I think I prefer a graduation bear, wrap around a bouquet surrounded by other little bears, at least they won't die off you know.
We were like saying so what's the most romantic thing ever happen in your relationship? Well I think I'm the one doing most of the romantic stuffs for him than him doing for me, as usual I'm always the one who planned something up. Right?
I only recalled once during my 20th birthday when I was having my Consumer Behaviour exam the nest day and I wasn't able to go out that night. He lied to me that he's going toilet to do business, but he ended up right infront of my house at 12a.m but forgot to reload phone so he was unable to call me and had ti drove back to 7-11 to reload to call me asking me to come out from my house and brought this lil cake lit with candle singing happy birthday to me.
I'm still very sleepy at this moment, having to wake up at 6a.m. this morning ... zzZZZzzz
Anyway, I visited the cadbury au website and was bugging him to buy me some chocalates, I saw this milk tray that really attracts me but didn't dare to ask because I'm sure that these chocolates won't be selling cheap. After he came back home, he bought that tray of chocolates, see my greedy face here feeling so happy.
The recent picture taken during my grandma's 85years old birthday
Now I know where all my money went to buying all these stuffs until I need such a big toolbox to keep them inside but still I'm buying, girls, I find pretty difficult to stop myself. Let me know if you ever need a makeup to attend functions ... I can supply the stuffs and also makeup for you, if you ever trust my ok only skills =P I can even bring the whole box there, since now I found a right box to store all these stuffs than letting them lay all over my room.
I guess that's all today, I'm missing someone, every time he's away I'll feel this way.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
To be or not to be ....
I personally find it really difficult to be someone who you're not ..
Times when you have to act as if you are happy with what their doing or you just trying to be someone different to please some people. You've been so patient, even people insults you directly yet you chose to silent and just keep going on and put up a fake smile the whole night. I'm so tired of being someone I'm not .. Seriously.
I guess afterall some really dislike me alot, even after years .. things will never change but will only become worse than before.
Tell me, which couple would not spend time together if they have a chance? Especially after separated by distance for a while. So that's wrong huh? I really don't get those single women. They have such old fashion minded that their brain cells are stuck towards the 50-60s centuries ages , or perhaps back in the stone age.
Practically, people just feel jealous and anxious when someone that are close to them all along had found someone else when they grow up. You saw the word grow up, yes .. therefore grow up means that person wishes to have their own time doing whatever they want.
If you dislike me, what more I can do? I'll not strive to be the person who you would want me to be, or perhaps to cut off the relationship because I do not wish to ruin over someone's life.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
