不能说的秘密
你有没有深藏心里不能说的秘密？就是很想把那种感觉忘掉，可是却又办不到那种感觉？很怕一天喝多了酒讲错话，一种你不可能会跟任何人讲的，只能埋永远埋在心地，让一切慢慢的被淡忘。
我开始觉得我感觉欠爱比真爱来的多，虽然真的做了很多可是总觉得少了一种感觉。有时也到达了无可忍受的地步，起了放弃的念头可是却觉得我还放不下就是那种欠的感觉。那种配不上的感觉，觉得我们是两个世界的人，你是个要风得风，要雨得雨，我的一切却是要靠不断的努力而得回来。我试着很努力的去攀上你的世界，可是我却有着那种无比的压力，一种让我无法呼吸，笑容幻灭的感觉。
最近我好像学会了把笑容找回，可能是某某人的影响吧，我把久忘的笑容找回，也开始把我曾经紧守的胸怀打开不再是那个沉默的天蝎。
一种万分不可能发生的事情就算用尽全力去想还是不可能的事情。一种想倾诉却不想承担那种不堪设想的后果。这只是单方面的设想，对方是万万都不可能会有的共识。不想那种画面在梦里出现，梦里让我无法抵挡。只有走回我原来的路，才能让一切平息。可是，真的是那么的简单吗？ 我希望是我胡思乱想，有那么远就逃那么远。
希望那种感觉的浮现是因为你和我的距离，而不是我想像中的那样。
我还是无法把以前的一切忘掉，那个伤痕永远都留着深深的疤痕。我真的可以把我们之间的一切一切的不合放在一旁，走下去吗？我对我自己没信心，我怕做不到。我怕我会后悔，当我遇上一个真正能让我笑的人。为什么我在这个时候会有那么的忧郁呢？真的希望是5个月距离带了的感觉。
Must be too deep to understand for what I've written above.
I have a joke to tell though, this is from my friend's idea and mine when we came by GSC ad that day.
Have you heard or seen about this movie?
They were discussing what movie to watch on that day. Conversation must be read in cantonese.
A: "Lei Gam Mat Oi Tai Mat Ye Hei?" (What movie do you want to watch?)
B: "Wor Oi Tai Li Gor" (I wanna watch Igor)
A: "Wor Man Lei, Lei Oi Tai Mat Ye Hei, Mat Ye Hai Li Gor?!"
B: "Wor Oi Tai Li Gor(Igor) LA!"
Ok, this joke sounds very cold ..
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Looking at others ...
Finally I've got my studio photos, soft copy which is being scanned, the hard copy is not with me yet .. I paid aud130 = RM320+Sgd25 for all these instant studio photos to be taken on my graduation day and to be printed out. See I'm so much poorer for the month.
On that day, I thought the thing I mind the most is that bf is not around to accompany or witness me for a once in a lifetime kinda thing. At the beginning , I was fine mingling around with long lost friends, taking photos here and there. I realise a feeling start to emerge in me, when others started to go with their family and leaving me standing there wondering around alone. I started to look around at others, how supportive are their families, including dad and all the siblings who came on that night just to witness that second up the stage for them to collect the scroll.
I can't help but started to think about my dad who never agrees to go anywhere besides staying at home. I'm the eldest daughter in the family, also the first to graduate and I've graduated without a single delay or fails in my studies. I starting to think of reasons why can't he be supportive or proud having such a daughter? A daughter can never be compare to a son? Why things have to be so unfair?
I came home and I showed the pictures to everyone. However, my dad is not interested at all. He didn't even took a look at those photos. During that night, I saw friend's dad who walked around with her and accompany her, helping her to take photos with friends and even dads who flew all the way and leave back the busy working time for their daughters and sons. I can't help but place the word envy on those friends. I feel empty. These had made me feel that I'm unimportant.
Initially, none of them wanted to attend my graduation ceremony at all, because of the trouble of traveling from Malaysia to Singapore. If let's say that's someone you love very much, would you think as such a obstacle? I didn't wanted to attend at a point.
Nevertheless, he is still my father all the time and I still love him. I'm just glad that I still have another Father in heaven who love me so and kept me safe that night because He want to see me in the ceremony.
Everything may seemed perfect from the outside, however when you take a look in the inner part, things are more complicated than we see from the surface.
I wish that I could tell how I feel at times. The reality does not allow me to do so. Limits.Enjoy the photos from Phillips&Father studio.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Silly Girl
I opened my drawer and someone called me from behind, I turn around and there goes, one slash on my ankle and I only realise 5mins later. Ouch, when the pain starts to come in ..
I was asked why my face turned "green" today, yeah I'm still sick but have to work.
From the past my silliness had top up from then till today ..
Let's see what I've experience before
I was walking on the road and I knock my head on a big signboard, my friend was telling me to watch out just like 20seconds ago before I reach that point
I was walking in pasar malam, suddenly "tong" I knock my head on one of their umbrella stick, I smile and continue walking
I feel down from my computer chair before I was too into the movie
Every year I will get hurt badly once or twice since kindergarten until primary school, my shoulder and knee, I'm just a timid girl walking with a big bag, walk also can fall down ..
Genting, my friend shouted "Suzanne where are you going?", I shouted back at him "Genting Hotel", my friend again repeated "Please look where are you going?", I shouted back "Didn't you hear me I said Genting Hotel" Police at the checkpoint laughed at me, just to realise I'm on the wrong direction of the escalator. I'm heading up but I'm trying to take an escalator which is coming down and I shouted so loudly.
Recently, at Raffles Convention Centre, I thought I locked my toilet door, just to realise I did not lock properly and someone opened my door, I'm glad that my robe is so long that helps me to cover everything. I came out laughing, why am I not embarrass?
I am still capable of doing many more silly things.
Ouch the cuts hurts.
I should stop and count the impossibilities.
After going through my MasterLife, I remembered one thing I wanted to post here
Thank God for preserving my life over 22years, thank God for letting me celebrate another birthday in my life.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Thank You, You All for The Surprise Birthday Dinner
Although, I roughly guess here and there, pieces picked up everywhere, still I'm glad for what each one of you had done for me. I'm surprise indeed, minus the potong steam little big planet, haha, okok I shall stop making fun of Lordson anymore, before he kills me for mentioning the cupcakes. Oops, I did it again?
I had a great day indeed, though today was super tiring but still I was glad that I spent my day wisely. Also appreciate everyone taking up the effort to come so far to celebrate my birthday. Thank you for those who read my blog and knew that I never really got to celebrate my birthday apart from the 21st years old one, which I was indeed pretty sick that time as well. However, this time I really enjoy the company of each and everyone who came.
Thank you all for initiating to organise and make tonight possible, planning and blah blah other stuffs. I sound so insincere, opps must watch language. Remember. Talk less nonsense haha.
Well, having friends are so wonderful aren't they?
Argh, I'm having this feeling, kind of anxiety or kind of a feeling that's yet to explode soon in my mind. What is going on? Oh well, things are always like that, when you don't expect such things to come, they will come into your life. Having this strong urge to do what your heart desires, but your mind is stopping you from taking a further step. I must be crazy. - Uninterpreted message
I did not sleep for the whole night, I was feeling hot & cold at times, throat hurts badly, also stomach feeling one kind, always happen when I don't sleep. I hate insomnia. I took MC today, gonna have a good rest. Probably have to skip Jogooya this time. Anxiety is no good. The poor sick girl.I'm such a spoiled girl. No one else can stand my manja-ness when I'm sick.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
What's with me? I'm thinking too much, arghh plus the headache for sleeping until 12p.m.
I wonder why weekends passby way too fast? Again Monday is only a day away, namely the most sien day for all working peeps. If can we normally MC or AL on monday. Ironic that every Friday people leave super duper early and always put on a smiling face even that was a rainy day.
Until 8 and 11th Dec public holiday comes which I can finally enjoy another public holiday.
I'm 22, no not a good sign, seemed that I'm getting older so fast that I cannot even chase up to the time. I slept pretty early on 20th's morning as I was soooo tired due to the store packing thingy. I was supposed to stay back late to work on 20th but I went back early as I tumpang another friend's car. Parents and siblings came all the way from Gombak and brought a cake and celebrate with me. Yay, that's how 22nd my birthday went for this year.
I shouldn't think so much of things that are not possible. Dreaming girl. Always blur case.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
First time working late or over time
Yay, I just came back from work not too long ago, having a backache backside ache actually...
Store is dirty, dust is few inches thick, no aircond no ventilation like sauna so we stayed there to pack up old documents aging 10years from 1998 until 2008 to be send back to our client. I guess we packed around 50boxes this evening.
Not complaining much other than staying back late, actually we had a great time laughing and joking while packing, including the "I like to move it move it" McD meal that we're shaking the fries and talking over funny jokes.
I smelled like a tong sampah just now. As if I just came back running 5kms. On a side note packing is still not done yet ...
So this sums up my day
Am I feeling frustrated because of ... I've fallen ... into the longkang ...
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Akward
I am not supposed to feel that way, like I said I'm not supposed but I'm feeling that way..
What am I thinking and what's in my mind?
What has been going on lately? Seems that something had went off the track ..
Every time I talk I feel irritated, well not a very good sign. I can't tell because the consequences to bare is way too much.
Time to sleep and get ready for a long day tomorrow.
My foot aches very much, always happen when rainy days is coming. I'm only 22 but I already experience old ppl's disease. Joint aches during rainy days. Bothers me since I was young until now.
Being 22 ..
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Early Notice
An early birthday notice,
Everyone have to stay back on Wednesday 19th November to pack up the store until 9pm.
How great is this? I would be lying like a dead body and be tired like mad the day after Wednesday.
SPM last day was on my birthday, some bugger stole my Nokia 3310. So called in-phone that time where you throw ppl on the head the fellow will faint.
Foundation year, I guess this is the one and only year I enjoyed in my life time.
3 years ago I had exam on my birthday Introduction to Management if not mistaken or was commercial law?
2 years ago I spent my birthday having Consumer Behaviour exam.
Last year I spent my birthday studying until late night 4am because I have exam on the next day, if not mistaken that exam was Strategic Management the hardest subject of all.
Goodness, why all the things must fall on the wrong time? Well not for once but for years ..
I feel happy that finally a year and half is coming to an end soon. I've waited for very long for that day to come, every single moment I went through including those hard days I have to go on my own .. At this period of time, I've learned much I've learned how not to rely on others too much, learned how to solve my own problems, learned how to let go of somethings, the most is that I learned how to mix around with people, I'm more willing to participate in things and spend time with friends.
I don't know is this mood swing *period* or .... I'm just feeling something different?
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Office Politics
In the reality world, I mean working world, they're no longer the same with college, whereby friends are really friends that we can do many things and share everything together without thinking much or worry about backstabing... as even you're being cucuk in college, the matter won't be as serious as in the office environment whereby your behaviour will be brought up to the management and they will take some actions ...
Oh like I care, really I don't ...
First to make employees loyal or committed, the management must give both intrinsic and extrinsic rewards. Monetary which is extrinsic is necessary at times, esp like my level when we see money as an important factor. Whereby frequent intrinsic rewards is very important as well e.g. giving praise when an employee have done well in her job. The new working era is to have a flat management, whereby the top down approach is to the minimum and director like Tony Fernadas that goes around in casual or even serve on the plane with employees. Employer who are willing to put their shoes in employee's and mix around with them casually like friends will definitely produce a good working environment and indirectly you earned for employees being committed in their work.
So why am I talking about all this? Apparently there's a "hantu" in the office which reports everything we do to the management team. Guess what? THEY FREAKING BANNED FACEBOOK, SHIT YOU... I DO FEEL LIKE CURSING... see photos visit friend's page when we have nothing in hand to do, or just a way to de-stress a while from work also wrong? What the ...
If I got nothing to do, should you blame me ? Or blame the management for not giving me anything to do? I DO NOT LIKE CHINA-MAN STYLE OF LEADING, that's so way out to manage in such century
BRUSH UP SOME KNOWLEDGE IN HUMAN RESOURCE ... won't work that way seriously, why ask us to do survey? Ohh I know, to see who's the faithful dog ...
Sienn la ... welcome to the working world
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Murdoch Convocation 2008 - Raffles City Convention Centre, Swissotel
After 10months of waiting ...
I present to you Murdoch Convocation 2008 at Raffles City Convention Centre, Swissotel, Singapore
I headed down to Singapore on Tuesday morning with First Coach. During one of our stop, there's tons of flies flying around in the bus and I almost ate one fly. Eww, that's the second time I'm there and that stop is always the fly kingdom. Reached Sg around 4.30p.m and we headed straight to my mom's friend house located at Paya Lebar, east of Sg. The place I stayed is pretty near Geylang so everytime I will passby motels, hotels and whatever you call those places. Mostly Singaporeans stayed in flats and their lifts are pretty weird, they only stop at specific floors and you need to walk up to where you are staying.
She's such a cute girl, I stayed with her for the past 3 days and she just stick to us most of the time. She can tell you tons of story and she will ask you tons of question. She's only 6 years old but already as smart as a 12years old girl.
After resting for a while and had our dinner, we headed to Bugis Street aka the Petaling Street in Singapore to walk around. Shopping of course, I bought one watch, one dress and one pair of shoes that only cost Sgd25 in total. I must go there again, the market have much more things compared to those low quality stuffs we have here. Surprisingly, at 10.15pm the bus is still packed with people.
The next morning woke up at around 8.30am and we headed down for shopping around 10am at those complexes near to the place we stayed. Guess what, we realised that Sg shops only open at 11am, so what are we gonna do for an hour?
Sitting and waiting for shop to open for business.
After that we headed back for a bath and lunch then prepare to go Raffles to collect my gown. We asked many people about Raffles Convention Centre, mostly told me that they have changed the name to Suntech Convention Centre and there's no such place. I asked the taxi man again and he said so too and fetched us there. Upon reaching the destination we headed inside and found that there's no Murdoch Convocation at all and we walked all the way up to 6th floor which has the most scary ever escalator, even more steep than the one you see in Genting which is attached to First World hotel. Feels like I'm on the way up the roller coaster and that was how steep the escalator.
So what should I do next??? I called shan shan, glad that she know that place and we took another taxi and headed to Raffles City shopping centre. Ok, fine that place is located up at a shopping centre and attached to Swissotel. Sighh, Murdoch please post a clearer venue for us. I collected my regalia and mortar and headed down for photo shooting. Again, I was unable to find that place, I ran all the way up there again as my phone was out of credit, just to realise that photo shooting was just located right behind the place I collected my regalia which is in the same ball room.
I was sweating like mad while taking those photos. I wonder how do I look like ... I'm still waiting for the people to upload and order the utmost expensive package ever in AUD. Once in a life time, what to do ...
Mother, aunt and sister
4 beauties of 2008 graduate =P
Emperor Calvin
Camwhore while waiting for registration
I am sooooo tired after standing from 3pm to 9pm ...
No bf to kiss so I just simply find some one to kiss on that day
FiFI and a bouque of flower that cost sgd25
Shan, Zanne. May much better lighting out here
Stage photo when I'm finally presented with that cert
KDU-Murdoch 2008 graduates
Sum up of for the day, throwing mortar, the tradition of graduates
For more photos please view my facebook
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Thank God for preserving my life
Today there will be a double post because I know when I resume work on Monday, I will be busy again and have no time to update.
First this post will be about what happened last friday.
I was heading for CG so Ming Lyn and Joshua came to fetch me. When we reached the destination, there's this two motorbike with 4 person came and rob us. Unfortunately, Joshua lost his phone but glad that everyone was unharmed. He grabbed my handbag when I scream my lungs out and held on to my bag tightly. I refuse to let go, not knowing why, in my mind I was just purely thinking about many things, which are I can't afford to lose my things, I'm heading Sg next week, then I was thinking bugger my handphone is a very important mean of communication for me and my bf and the last thing I was thinking is bloody shit I can win you, let go and go to hell.
He still refuse to let go but took out a parang which is as long as half of my hand. Hmm, at that moment I don't recognise that as a parang to me, until he cut the strap of my bag however I wonder why I still refuse to let go but pull harder and scream louder asking for help. In the end, everyone came out and turn on their lights, friends shouted at the 'useless people in our country' yet they still are not afraid instead asked us to call the police.
I just don't understand why our governments wants to feed those useless buggers and make them even more useless in this country. In the end, they have so many child and have no time to care or teach them how to behave and become sampah masyarakat. I can say Malaysia is not a great place to live anymore, due to the politics and leading parties who is not efficient in doing their work. Humans have become more and more desperate in life, killing and robbing does not mean a single thing to them anymore and they won't feel a single guilt at all...
I want to thank those friends who msged me and accompany me to make sure that I am fine.
Lastly, I just want to thank God for preserving my life and keeping me safe all the time.
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
Short update
I'm still super duper tired after coming back from Singapore, waking up early and spending the whole Wednesday running around taking tons of photos and so on ...
I still miss that day so much, I wish I can wear that gown and mortar board again, I wish to see all my friends again, I felt so happy seeing everyone again, as if we've never met for years, I was so excited on that day and not willing to return that gown at the end of ceremony ...
Everything will be kept as part of my memories now, once in a life time moment standing up that stage collecting my scroll and throwing that mortar high in the air to celebrate our graduation ...
The smile shows how happy I'm ...
I don't wanna take of the regalia, I just want to take more photos, I only get to wear for 6hours
Updates tomorrow, I need some good night sleep after a long week
adv_username = "suzannetan";
adv_gid = "suzannetan_default";
adtype = "180x150";
