Terrifying Moment
Last Friday was the most ever horrible experience I've ever had in my life.
I cried the whole night for being too frightened, Suzanne is not that brave at all..
Those are the times when I need someone beside me.
Thank you for friends that cared for me and message me..
This will be a short post as I'm leaving for Singapore tomorrow morning for my convocation.
I will write a longer one when I'm back.
Malaysia is no longer a safe place, people had became desperate ..
Lastly, thank God for keeping me un harm. Place all worries in Him and He will make things right.
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Stuck in the jam
Getting stuck in the jam when you're rushing home feels so long .. longer than ever when people around are so impatient and worse when the heavy down pouring rain that cause the traffic to be as slow as ever. When you're alone the jam feels even longer, just feel like cutting all the car and clear all the traffic like the period of hari raya when the whole LDP is empty. Drving at 100km/j feels good.
However, getting stuck in the jam when you're with your love ones feels different, I felt like that's the only get together time when we're often too busy in our life with word and friends. When we no longer have time to spend with our love one, jam is the one that brought us together, a time where both is forced to sit down and talk about things, when you have nothing better to do. While the radio sounds pretty boring.
你真的了解我？
我觉得没有人能了解我。我是个个性非常难被了解的人。我爱被人宠坏，我爱人家听我说话，我爱画画，更爱人家欣赏我的作品。可是，一当你一次一次都把你自己看得比任何东西重要，我就会觉得我每次都被忽略。我的感觉也这样慢慢的随着悲伤而流失。你可知道我是多么希望你把我在你眼里看得重一点，我跟你说话时我真的很想你用心的听，而不是只关心你自己的事。
我时常都让步，可是却开始觉得很累，我也希望有一个人会那样的对我，一样的对我付出一切。
不敢哭也不敢倾诉，因为我真的怕了。
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One step nearer
Hmm, there's so many uncertainties in life ...
I'm starting to get bored with my job, they're pouring all sorts of admin jobs on me, carrying heavy boxes and also starting in 1week time even handling telemarketing and I don't know just whatever rubbish also must do one, this is the style of a small company. Hmm, let me tell you one joke, the boss brought us to O&S for lunch, erm the place that we stood half an hour just to get a table, sweet. My colleague was so shocked when she realise that place is "Tai Pai Dong".
Friend told me that there's an opening in XXX company, I'm some what attracted though, however you think people would hire me meh? Nowadays young people no longer loyal to company, who pays well or give more benefit sure cabut, am I right? Money very important.
Everyone loves year end and that will give a pretty lazy feeling or relaxing mood. Thinking about holidays... and I'm taking 4days off with a continuous of 10days holiday due to 3 public holidays combining together that makes that amount ... so one step close until I buy the tickets and fly
One reason I do not feel like disclosing much, there's some hidden reasons, as if some people know about this eventually will create some problems and they will start saying I'm this and that again. So right, very fan don't feel like telling at all. Enough of accusing me as 'stealing' or greed, I let you all say all you want, as long as me and God knows I have no such intentions at all. Moonlight Resonance teaches me "Why care about what others say, when the mouth belongs to them and there's nothing you can do about that ..." Although I'm not born wealthy, but I know anything I want I must fulfill them with my own effort, I never thought of getting things in easy way.
Sorry excuse me, I've watched too much series, I finish 40series of Moonlight Resonance, yes I love the ending. Lam Fung, so leng chai ... I love you. I wish to be "Yu Shou Chao", where to find a lou gong so sayang the lou poh, willing to let go even know that she likes another guy as long as she's happy? I doubt anyone can be that generous in real life. One things I realise is eventually, everyone in the series will get back together with the 'actual' love one. I mean everyone got back with their first love and got married.
I have this feeling recently, my circle is only tied between work and home, at times I feel so stuffy that I just want to run outside, I can't stand the quietness nor the 4 walls I face everyday. I am just hoping for December to come soon, that's the month with the most holiday and the month where I can see him again. I can't wait to see quokas, dolphins and sharks. Living alone is much more simple that the life here where you have to worry about so many things.
Another note I will be keeping all my Moonlight Resonance series, they're really one of the best series, especially when he's inside there.
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- _ -
Some times you do wonder, what have you done to deserve this kind of 'treatment' ? The feeling of happiness will not last long once again hit me, the question of how long can I be patient even hit me harder, now is the point that you don't even know what is true and what is not anymore. I think I've paid back enough for what I've owed. I'm a human, after being slashed a few times, obviously I will feel pain, I'm always running away but how long more can I run away from this?
Even hurts more when you know the person couldn't be bothered.
I wish I can start developing the "I don't care..attitude"
Current state is that I feel very lost now, I don't know what's gonna be up next or what will happen next, insecure is the word, which way should I take .. I guess just let the Lord guide my path ..
I only know I am standing all alone now
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Raya Holidays
I spent these two days SLEEPING and watching 12series of Moonlight Resonance, I'm addicted so addicted but I guess there's a good side as well because they taught me many principles in life. Some of them may be related to myself, some maybe related to others. Makes me feel like, this word "Ren Bu Ke Mao Xiang" is very true indeed, some people I know is really wearing mask in front of others, pretend how innocent they're but in fact the truth is not like that ..
I do that at times too, especially facing people I do not like .. I feel very heavy hearted every time that I have to pretend in front of them to be who I am not and to wear a mask and smile .. I only can tell you there's a lot of times in my life I did that, I was feeling guilty but on another hand, I feel that person betrayed me and have done the such things so he/she may deserve the same things. Every time I see that smile I felt that the smile was so fake that I've even think of slapping a person. Well for now, after letting go much of the things and after time have went by, I can say I feel much more happier than before .. time can wash away things ..
I only can say that many things and many of us is not as innocent as what we've thought .. world polluted our mind or we have learn the wrong things ..
I'm happy today because I've got a Cleo showbag, Yayy even I'm not at the Perth Royal Show though .. I can't wait for the bag to be on my hand ..
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