My Family Showcase @ Mid Valley Exhibiion Hall 24th-26th August
Previously I worked for
MapleStory at
Cineleisure Curve and they called me up for work at this event. I was thinking whether should I go for it because I'm in the midst of my semester, well since my classes cancelled on Friday so just agreed to work for the past 3days. Also, they're paying higher for those who worked with them before =P Saving the money for my trip next year.
First thing, gamers I'm not GM(game master) ok? I'm just a part-timer, I don't even know how to play maple story. So please don't come running after me asking me stuffs which I don't know.
This is my task for the 1st 2days, Friday and Saturday, giving out pens and flyers at the booth inside the exhibition hall. Well, I would say that this task is definitely better than the last event working at the game booth. Other than I may have to explain alot to the visitors when they asked me about this event and maple story.
I'll start by saying "Oh, this is an online game portal which you can download from
www.maplesea.com and it's free to play. There are various characters in the game which are magician, thieve, warrior and bowman. You can choose to be any of these characters. Also, you can meet and chat with other players online .. blah blah"
Walau, I'm so pro in promoting maple liao even I don't know how to play.
The 5 colourful pens - Green, Pink, Blue, Orange and Yellow. Ignore the not so pretty face.
The last day Sunday, which is the nightmare day for me which causes my toe to have clog blood and having to walk like a duck now. Phobia for high heels. The actual stewardess girl who was supposed to give out flyers at the exhibition entrance quit the job on the last day cause she complained it was too tiring and the pay was too low.
Fine, I replace her on the last day to dress up like a JAL(Japan Airlines) stewardess outside giving out boarding pass of maple. I had to wear the scouts hat and a red scarf on my neck. I can't walk properly anymore towards the end of the day. Yes walking like a duck, after standing for 10hours with close toes black heels of 2.5 inches. Now, slipper is like my darling.
Some people must be thinking, it's great and glamourous to dress up and stand outside giving out flyers. NO, I rather stand inside wearing my lovely sport shoes and black T. Last day was really a killer for me, because I fell sick on that day. Having terrible flu and cough also minor fever and yet still have to dress up and give out flyers when my nose is leaking 24/7, I have to wipe and wipe my nose and continue working. Thanks to the super cold aircond inside the exhibition hall.
Will get the photos from my supervisor later =P
There are piles of assignments waiting for me to type and also to look through hundreds of journals to search for them. I'm so tired la. So sick. My nose block all the time.
I hate law sooooo much. I just couldn't understand. Why? Sigh. Assignments and presentation ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I have concluded that I'm not attractive, lol only to my dear right? Wishing that there's someone to come pick me and take care of me when I'm sick....... ishhhh
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Uncertainties
Sometimes when you look around and start to think more of future, uncertainties fall upon you, where you realise that you are not walking the same direction as another person. You feel scared, yet you do not want to leave behind everything you have for now, but it might not be what you want, everything is so uncertain.
Deep. You may not be able to interpret what I'm trying to say here. Decoding of message failed. Tired. Working for MapleStory at MidValley exhibition hall2 tomorrow and for this weekend.
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Seeking for Happiness
For half of my life, I've been spending most of the time seeking for happiness.
First, I started up by growing up here brought up by my aunt and grandmother. For my parents told me that their too busy to take me home. So I grew up without knowing how does it feels like to have a family. I learn to rely alot on others, every time my aunt went away from me to work I would start to cry. I easily get jealous and always afraid that things may be taken away from me. Probably due to my incidents when I was young, I always didn't wanted to go back to my parent's place because I'm so used to the environment here.
Some may have lived a perfect childhood as they have a perfect family but some may not. Yet, I cannot place the blame on anyone as this is what brings up the person I am now.
I've never forget on moments when I was young when one day my aunt told me not to follow my mom if she comes to the kindergarten to take me away. I was only 5years old, do you think I know what that means? Yet, one night my mom told my dad "I'm gonna bring all our kids and go jump down from the building and let your regret". Well, there are so many haunting memories that never left my mind until now but yet I guess I can't reveal too much here.
Proceeding to primary life, where I'm a timid lil girl always the shortest and the thinest among all. Always chosen to be seated right infront of the class. Friends, well not sure whether are they friends afterall, love to bully me and also make fun of me, because I was so timid. Spent all my recess time alone all the while, because friends told me "I don't want to friend you". Ok fine, then studying in "good" classes in Yuk Chai wasn't that easy at all. Pressure. I'm the only child here so I spent most of my time playing and imagining my "imagination friend" (Hm, like the one in cartoon network?). Playing masak-masak serving to errr imagination customer. Fun?
Proceeding to secondary school, situations turned better after I've met the other 6friends of mine in PBSM. Even better when I met the blessing in my life, haha which is my darling now. Nothing much about secondary life, just having friends would love to insult me even until today O.o Keen's restaurant and McDonalds days were good. Marching under the hot sun at 12pm for 2-4hours was definitely a challenge for me. Attending camps that test strengths and ability to adapt in the forest was a great experience. Also, learning how to lead gave me courage.
Proceeding to college life was another big step whereby spoon feed is taken away from us. I went in my foundation course alone without really knowing anyone there. In college, I've learn how to speak up infront of people and no longer is the timid lil girl I used to be. Well, had some rough time during my foundation year and Year 1 of my degree, which I almost flung my management and law paper.
It's the 1st time ever I've experience depression while I was doing my individual assignment for management and yes asked for extension yet I still fail the assignment but not the whole unit. Same goes for law, I was having really bad times when I was going through exams. Well, I don't need to mention what things I'm trying to say here as many already knew what happened in the past. These went on for years until I really suffered deep down, even having a deep scar until today. I'm afraid of the past.
Happiness, probably I've found half of it during the beginning of this year. He started giving me back his heart who only belongs to one after years of parting it into two. The Tokyo trip was the most unforgettable moments in my life as well as the Redang one. These is when he started to love me like how he used to be, these is when I feel happy after going through years of suffering.
However, the time was not long it was only 5months and he had to leave me behind. But love and prayers never fails, he's still the one being there for me all the while when I needed someone the most. He care for me even more when I'm down and most importantly he never fails to make me smile. Never knew that you're even willing to put our pictures as the wallpaper, don't know but just felt that our love is so much more stronger now? weird. I'm truly touched by everything he wrote and did for me lately.
Happiness, I'm still seeking for you ..
Like in the rooms we studied for cg, for the rumpus room after God transformed it there's where the real joy, satisfaction , friendship and happiness came in. I'm longing for the day where I'll be able to do so.
I find it hard to understand human hearts, why some only selects people around to be friend .. why some only made concern of those they think it's worth ..
A yellow and red colour mixed Bunga Raya at my house's garden. The flower blooms at the right time, being patriotic?
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A preview
A preview of desperate girls, when their bfs are at Perth, dumping them alone here, so they became lonely and start doing all sort of nonsense.
Haha, don't get me wrong, I'm not bi nor I'm a lesbian now, just that when girls they've got nothing better to do, we'll starting making ourselves "pretty" to ease the loneliness within =P
Er maybe not that pretty afterall, lol.
Some more got preview, because I very lazy to post up all the pictures today. Woke up for class at 7am, very tired la ok?
After all the hassles of putting on makeup and shooting some photos by our not-so-pro-self. My pictures will give credit to Janice.
I realised no matter how much I spend my time with friends or even during lecture, I just can't help thinking of him and missing him all the time. Sigh, really miss his presence all the time. Hope that 3months can be turned to 3days so that I will suffer less from the pain of missing him too much. I still love you alot, more than alot with all my heart.
If you want access to all the pictures, only the one with the status bf can have it =P but he's my one and only so no matter what only him can see all the pictures. - Ah, I dunno what talking me
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They say Love is Complicated
I once say it's very complicated. How good if love can be simple, like the love of God to us. However, man had made it so complicated. If man can choose to be loyal and faithful in relationship wouldn't it makes love less complicated? There won't be divorce and so on in our society and most would have a happy family. If parents can give more love and attention to their children, there must have be less crimes around the world.
If we love and cherish one, the love is pure and clean, then we wouldn't even think of having affairs around. If we really love one person, we can just open our mouth and tell that person how much we love them before it's too late. If we do not love one person, then we shall not hold back the person and makes him/her suffer and waste their time on hopes that's far. Love, is not complicated nor pain but something that brings hope, caring and happiness.
We all talk about love all day, we love God, our family, friends and so on. Love is just so simple, love is never by the hard way, love is just how we interpret and apply.
Why am I talking about all this suddenly? I must have miss Caine until I've been out of my mind. Yeah, it has been 2weeks, I'm really missing him badly, the amount of "miss" never reduce but adding more when the days pass by.
Got some cute pajamas photos today but only for my view =P So happy, my dear looks so cute in cartoon pajamas. Esp when it's Simpson's pajamas, lol. He's gonna kill me if he sees what I wrote here. Blehhh, vanish now.
Since my classes just started, I'm still kinda free so I made something lovely. Many ppl must be saying I'm out of my mind and I'm just blindly in love or it's just some dum puppy love. Sorry no, we shall prove you all wrong, we'll make it to the end.
I still miss you alot, wish that I can sleep in your arms once again, can't wait for you to come back.
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Lost
Lost, I mean lost in life, some say it's part of the growing process, some say I'm not strong enough.
No I've not lost the faith to God, just lost every morning having to wake up and repeating the same usual routine. Always hoping that the night come soon so that I could talk to him. Always missing him and wanting to talk to him.
Really does feels like part of my life is gone. I used to have those days, waiting for him in college and we'll go out together for a movie and he'll accompany me for lunch. Now, I don't wish to go home because I'll feel lonely. I have to tumpang ppl's car all the time. I wait blindly thinking what to do. I feel like I've lost something. He used to wait for me at the cafeteria and staircase all the time. He took my books, hold my hand and say let's go dear. We have our lunch together when we have the same breaks.Now, when I walk down the staircase there were no longer anyone there waiting for me. No one to drive me out for lunch again for my favourite food.There's only a phone call away or probably just 5kms away when I needed a shoulder to lean on.Now phone calls is at RM1 at 1 minute. I could only cry silently in the bathroom, hiding in my own room, hiding in the blanket hugging the pig and cry myself to sleep.He always irritates me and make me laugh. He makes lame jokes which I don't think it's funny but then I still laugh for him=P Now it feels so quiet around me. Somehow miss the irritating part now, it's no longer irritating but turned to loneliness. Just to realise that it makes me happy. No more jokes to laugh, no matter whether it's really funny or not.Whenever there's any new movie, he'll be the first to tell me and book the tickets.Now, if I don't look at the papers I don't even know what movies are there. I'm just too lazy to go watch movie alone.I always pulled him to go shopping and beg him to bring me to the mall even he hated so much about it and we ended up arguing all the time because he hate it whenever I go into shops like Watson, Padini, Vincci and clothes shops. He always told me that he sakit perut wanna go home soon and pang sai or he complain he's very tired if I spend more than half an hour in the mall.Now, I rather he make all sorts of stupid excuses as long as I can go out with him. We always argue until the house collapse. (None of wants to know how we fight, only those who are closed enough to us had seen before). Then in less than few hours time, we'll be holding hand again as if there was nothing happen at all. He shows his temper to me and scold me until I cry, then after few hours again he'll say sorry and he didn't mean it.Now, there's no chance to argue at all because the time and money are precious. Missing those days, when he would use to "tam" me back.Anyway, if I were to continue writing it'll be like 100pages long?
Many people starting to be busy with their own life, I'll understand. Everyone grows up and went on a separate way, just that I'm still not moving forward, I can't catch up with them, I fall back and feel lonely instead. Seems that good ol' days are no longer around the corner, I have to pick up my burdens and continue walking the road.
This is where we started our journey ..
And I still love him until today .. more and more when the days pass by
here is the most touching message I've ever got from him T.T
suzanne,i never left you, my heart is always with you. I came here not to leave you, but to provide a better future for you. I guess this is a test God placed for the both of us, the test of time that we must now endure. Do not worry dear, perseverance will not bring us down, but will eventually make us stronger, I do not wish to make you sad. I promise you I will return as soon as I finish my studies, or better yet I may take you and bring you here with me.We will see where our future leads, do not worry.I love you and I always will....Caine.
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请没有抵制的心这样的情趣有种距
你放着谁的歌曲是怎样的心情能不能说给我听
雨下的好安静是不是你偷偷在哭泣
真的不容易在你的背景有我爱你
我可以陪你去看星星
不要再多说明我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽都是因为你
Meaningful song, I wish he's there to sing this to me. Going back to the night in Redang filled with stars accross the sea with no borders. Telling me that he doesn't want to be separated from me anymore. T.T
Woke up in tears this morning, hoping that when I open my eyes he's right beside me, giving me that smile I never see for 7days. Imagine that he was there like that day telling me not to cry, patting my head say that he'll be back soon. But when I try to hug, it was only the air, dreaming.
I love you.
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Burdens
I had so much burdens lately, I felt that it's so heavy and I break down in tears everytime. But yet He told me
"Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)
I find that I've been drawn much closer to Him lately, he took away part of my burdens making me feel light and gave me rest. Everytime I pray, He answered, He has never forsaken or leave me when I needed Him.
Although every morning when I'm awake, I still misses Caine alot and break down in tears most of the time, hoping that he's right beside me. I know while you're having lots of fun there, yet you still think of me sometimes. I thank you that you're willing to take out some of your time to call me once a while, even though it's little but then hearing your voice give me more than comfort.
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I really had enough !
Enough is enough, when all this will stop !
I'm getting frustrated over many many things in my life. I no longer can take it anymore.
First, enough that he's so far away from me. In such conditions when I needed someone the most, enough that I no longer have anyone to rely on. Enough that I've waited for days until I could really talk to him. But thanks to aussie not so advance internet, we can't even web cam or just skype at all, I can't even hear his voice! It's killing me ....
Is this all .. NO !
My phone spoiled on Sunday night, the battery ain't working anymore, one call or few sms there goes all the battery.
Next
Now my CPU spoils, I can't even on my damn computer and this laptop here is giving me alot of problems.
Fine! Everything seems to go wrong after he left. Why? Why even the only mean of communication for me to contact him, is also taken away? It's like taking away bit by bit of my life, killing me slowly .. It's suffering, so suffering, it's not as easy as what I've thought, no. Missing someone is so hard, it's never easy.
How I wish he is here now, that I could lay into his arms and forget about all the problems around me. I'm feeling so tired, so tired about my life, I'm so lost, that I do not know where is the next step to take.
I'm jealous, jealous over people who have understanding parents and family members. Also jealous over people who have so many friends who stood beside them all the while. Why I'm always stuck with scoldings at home no matter what I do? Why everything is my fault?
I'm also jealous whenever he tells me I'm going here and here. How much I wish I was there with him!
I'm so tired, why makes me suffer slowly whereby the accumulated pain is enough to kill me. Why don't just do it one go and take me away? Then it won't be so much pain involve. Right.
I'm sorry that I've failed you. I know you really love me very much. I too love you alot. But it's so pain ..
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What does friends mean in my dictionary
My first personal friend is God, where I can cry out to Him everytime.
Then my second closest friend is far away from me, he's my boyfriend, also my best friend whereby he's the only one standing beside me all time.
If I have a dog then it would made a best friend for me too.
When you're sad and down, that time you would truly see who are those friends that are true to you. I appreciate Sharon, who kept talking to me these few days. Also, minority who take the initiative to message me first online and not I msg them first to comfort me. While majority seems to be ignorant, even they heard and see, yet they do not care. Well, I meant those where I initiate a conversation but they don't even want to continue at all ... Sigh, what to do now?
I've been spending everyday at home, just waiting for time to pass, staring at the clock hoping that the time goes faster. Turn on TV for few mins, off it, lying on the bed can't sleep. Online 24/7 just hoping to have someone to talk to. In reality, all these was more difficult than what I thought.
The sky is crying with me everytime I'm sad, rain pouring down.
Family keep saying I'm just a useless one ...
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