Suffering in deep pain
I've never ate anything today since morning. Everytime when I see food I don't feel like eating. I've force myself to swallow all the food but in the end I'll throw up every single thing I ate. It's really suffering ... I feel so weak ... I can't eat anything at all. How can I escape from this pain ? See doctor? But it's this a mental illness or I'm really doom to some kind of disease? I can't afford to be sick. Medical bills ... I'm very afraid of that. I can't even afford to pay on my studies want to talk about medical bills somemore? What if I'm really sick and need this huge amount of money? Mom had already decided to close down the shop at KL since there's loss instead of earnings every month. How about my siblings ? They need money for education also right ... Rather use those money on them instead of me.Why must I go through all these phases? How many times I need to be hurt? I can't take it anymore. I need love instead of pain in this kind of condition. What had I done that make him not want to be with me anymore? Rather see me in pain at this kind of condition instead of caring for me? I really want to know what had I done? I've given him all the best of everything... I've care and love for him so much so much. Neither I can forget those memories. Everytime I close my eyes I'll see them ... I've never even forget one of them. I tired to let go I've tried my best and I ended up in this kind of condition I do not wish to be in.
What's my fault for loving one person so deeply? Where's my fault for caring for him so much? What's my fault for doing so many things for him? I don't know ... What had I done? U wanted me back so much last time when ur suffering in pain, I was there for u when u needed me so much. I was so willingly to give u another chance ... but I've nothing left now ... adv_username = "suzannetan"; adv_gid = "suzannetan_default"; adtype = "180x150";
Author **Suzanne** @ 7:06 PM
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