Happy Birthday to me .. Happy Birthday to me .. Ah this is so lame, I shall stop
This is the first time I ever bloat myself until that extreme, two places in one night ?
Bar-Be-Q Plaza, meat meat and seafood, name all kind of normal meat we eat I ate them all last night with prawns, udon-mee (Ah, not my lengchai coursemate ok?), squid, vegetables, definitely Yummy-licious and worth of money. Recommended place to eat, since they are giving out the 5 n 10bucks voucher that you can use anyday n anytime.
I should crap less and here now is the photo time
Fondue House
My brand new swatch, love it !
- edited - It does not matter who I spend the night with, when his heart doesn't belongs to me I can have him physically but not mentally, then I rather not have him He could get jealous for another one, but definitely not for me Therefore, may it mean that my heart is release free to love someone else instead Sometimes somethings are very unfair, especially him who preserved better attitude to others than me I am confused, is this worth afterall
You are the one who asked for another chance, so I gave you my love, You promised to treat me well, but they were all broken into pieces now, You treated me as precious at the beginning, but afterall I'm still not the one in your heart compare to one, Slowly things had fade away, The word "I love you" from me is no longer important to you, You're no longer the one who hear my problems, cause you've pushed me away everytime, I've learned to be quiet and keep it to myself, to cry silently in the night with my pillow, My words had emerged into frustration to you, you're always tired of listening to me, Your shoulder is no longer the place I lean on, because it had been shut far away from me, I've been crying everynight, yet hard to accept that this would not work out, I've give u all my heart just to out find that you're Not True to me
Maybe one day I'll just go without telling, because I'm so tired of trying all these while, trying to give us a chance that's not worth.
Maybe you do not sense anything different, but yet there is something going on, something that may not come back like it used to be
The 1st papers I've encounter during this finals was the hardest and most difficult paper ever. I was struggling to finish up those 16Qs, I was in the midst of giving up because my hand and arms was too tired to continue. But then still, I fight till the last minute until the papers was collected.
Down with 1 and another upcoming two more which is CB and OMD. Then finally I'm off for a long break. First thing to do is go K kau kau. In the mood to sing all those sad songs as it matches what I am going through now.
Lately, In some situations, I kept asking myself "Are u really happy girl?". I couldn't answer the question at all. Nope I am not thinking stupid because there are too many hints and syptoms which indicates a problem right behind there. Running away won't solve the problem. So well, I gotta solve it right after my exams end. Maybe I really need clear some stuffs off, or just probably be away for a while to be sure of what do I want. *Sorry, if I've vanish suddenly without telling anyone* Just don't want anything to hold me back anymore. I have something in my mind now but whether to go for long or not. (Doubts are pouring)
No I am not running away anymore, I can't think childish anymore, I've done much maybe it's time for me to pull back. No point for me begging for love like a beggar on the road, ashamed. I no longer want to see the words of claiming that I'm irritating. No longer want to be shrug off, pushed away. No longer want to be shouted right at my face. I've really seen the true colours. This is not what I want for my future. I had enough pain, really. I want a person who tolerates with me when I tolerates with him too. Relationship is a two-way interaction, no point for one party to give out so much but yet not to receive.
Sigh, I should go right? Don't wanna think anymore for now.
Anyway saw a very nice watch today, too bad I've got not enough $$ to buy it.
Got a call from casting agency today, nope it's not calling me to go for casting , lol my face like that how to go leh? Asking me to go be keh-leh-feh for a korean ad. Hopefully I get it then.
It's a meaningful sad birthday song by Landy Wen, I love her voice too, she's so hot Top K song in RedBox, gurantee that we'll always sing when we go K and can hear it everywhere
Finally Year 2 Sem 2 is coming to an end soon. I can't believe that time passess by me that fast that I've got one more year to graduate from Murdoch, hopefully. Hm, I'm pretty must a young grad by then cos I'll only be 20+ when the programme ends and 21 when I receive my cert.
Finals are here again, of course. Striving hard to not to procrastinate and study as hard as I could. Eh? How come I'm here blogging, oh well.
One thing I couldn't understand is why things must come by me during my finals period. I strive so hard not to think of it, but still those attitudes one have really makes me go mad and start thinking. Argh, I want to study and not think so much. Something do not need to be questioned and well I can already feel the difference within it. In simple terms, when your bf/gf tends to act differently from like how they used to be, you know there's something there. It's not the first time afterall so I know.
Few more days, count down and goodbye to being 19 years old. There are so many things I wanna do but sigh, why must my birthday fall during the exams? Ah, nvrm will do it after that. - Go redbox and sing K , sing until no voice - Go my favourite place to have a good dinner - Go Souled Out and watch football with AikJin's presence (he and his Heineken) cos he's so funny hahaha - Buy myself a couple of things I wanted long ago, provided if I got enough money - Go for a holiday before Shan Shan leave for Aussie, here I come Langkawi or Penang ? - Pass my photo shooting interview, wanna earn myself some money - Profile get accepted for a few jobs applied, esp the Korea one ! I wanna go there find Joo Ji-Hun The fossil watch motion dial series, I'm so in love with it .. money ... hahaha
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So this is how the story ended, prince and princess happily ever after. That's the ending everyone wants to see right?
Forget about what I said above, had been watching too much K-series nowadays. I must stop since my exams are drawing near in like less than a week time from now. Please, please pray that I'll pass all my papers and do well in them. Also I will not procrastinate and start studying from now onwards.
Forgiveness, I guess I must learn how to do so, as God had even forgive us on our sins which is countless-ly much greater than those small lil things others do to hurt you. So well, I don't count on how much others had hurted me in the past, I still had to learn to be kind and not put grudge within.
At this point I'm still very confused at somethings, although it had drawn clear to me that yes I'm not supposed to be that soft hearted at all. * I should had just left those things there, and left right? * Why didn't I do so? The problems still exist. You may hide from my eyes but never may hide from my feelings, cause they're so sharp everytime that I can felt something wrong somewhere deep right inside. You may had done something which I do not know, but within you may feel guilty as my feelings will never betray me since from the past.
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Mirror please tell me why had I been so lost lately? I can stare at the sky and thinking of the past, some images that are not supposed to be reminded. Still I stare but I couldn't find answer for it, I am just so lost of myself these past few days.
"You can always lie to yourself, but never lie to your heart". Sigh, had I been living in lies? That I knew that I was never the one since that day, but still why am I lying to myself? The day to realise that I was never there a part in one's heart, but instead someone else is and forever these can never be changed ? I've always questioned myself, had I not done enough? Or perhaps, why one that had never done anything can stand a greater part in one's heart? Sigh, I am such a loser in love.
If the person truly loves you, why can't him/her answer the question whether do he/she truly do love u in split seconds? I guess maybe one is filled with doubts or frustrations. I am always stick with the tag of being re-cycled when I am not needed at times.
Or perhaps when you could feel that something had went wrong somewhere, you would doubt the person greatly but he/she had not chosed to clarify. The answer to me when there is no clarification made was what I said was right. It's the same as why do one need to bother or care to clear the misunderstanding when he/she could not be bother about you, whilst he/she are more interested with the other party?
I guess it had came to a conclusion that those that can never be get would be considered as superior one, the more you dying to have one, the more precious it's to you. While people like me are more related to inferior one, who had stayed there and be there all the time, just because I'm soft hearted.
I am lost, so lost, I doubt the love one had for me or perhaps it was never meant for me but for someone who is more superior compare to inferior goods like me. Well I really do not give a damn on what I've said here, when one does not bother of losing me
Thanks for someone who had stayed there to comfort me all the while, I really needed it so much. *hugs* I know that person does read. Maybe somedays without doubts, I will not turn back like last time ever, then this will be the day that's too late for you to regret on how deep u had hurt me.
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Fondue House
