If you think I seemed to be as happy from outside, I would tell you deep inside I'm not.
I always thought someone would change for the better. Probably I'm wrong afterall after placing many hopes all these year, giving numerous chances and holding my patient limits to the maximum. Everything is still the same, I was trying my best to appreciate and be happy of what I have now, but no this won't work at all. I starting to realise that I'm just forcing myself. I glare at the sky but I see nothing ahead of us.
Selfishness, self centered thingy that can never be change, no matter whether it's in future or anything probably it doesn't matter anymore. I'm tired of listening to your commands, I'm tired that I need to accommodate to your every needs, I'm also tired that not even once you have tried to fit in my shoes and care about my feelings. Being in a relationship needs tolerance, but seems that I'm the only one who's giving out all the time and I'm really fedup.
First, many excuses will be use to avoid bringing me out. Probably things like I am feeling lazy today, the tv is showing my favorite movie, my stomach not well today, I'm half way in a game or even using others as excuses. Imagine you just stepped in the shopping complex, you are busy looking at things, walking for even less than an hour, he's there to bug until you get irritated and lost all ur moods just to get home. If not he'll just push you hard enough from behind so that you would walk faster. I tell you straight in your face, I hate all this, yes very much.
Yes, I always wish for guy to give me surprise, a guy who knew what I like from the beginning and one who pay attention to what I like. The one who'll remember what I like and giving me a surprise on special occasions. Yes you do have the heart for this but too bad it was for the wrong person, for someone that will never appreciate anything you do, or even any shit stuffs that cost hundred over from your pocket. But no, you've never once do this to me, the one who appreciate you.
For you friends will always come first no matter what, sick also can turn to no sick IF friends are the one who asked u out. While if it's to be me, I will call it play dead. Especially girl friends their always more precious to you anyhow. Or probably the two most stupid black box in the world, first namely is TV and next is the playstation which both has no brains. Or those series that you rather watch and not sleep nor spending time with me.
If all these I've mentioned above is more worthy than a person like me who had waited for you for years, the one who had done so much and hoping that you know how to appreciate all these one day, well then I'll have to say you're not the one for me.
I'm tired, I'm confused, I need a break to evaluate what I really want ... to go seek for my true happiness. To decide whether should I continue, my heart says yes, but my brain says no because it keeps telling me that the choice is in my hand, you've done enough, you've given enough all these years, you've provided enough time for him to learn to appreciate, the choice is for you to choose your own way and never listen to your heart again. It says the one to regret is not you, but it's him who have lost someone who really loves him.
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It's not what you see from the surface ....
Warning, this post will be insulting to many .. if u do not wish to read or do not like what I wrote to defame anyone please the x is just on your right hand top corner click that.
I starting to have this thought or phrase appearing in my mind recently
"Are you really happy?"
Recently I heard this,
生子来做什么，没有用只会跟其他人出去，生女儿还好她陪我去吸烟“
knnccb say this right infront of me, 这不是面对面来刺我罢了
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Graduated
Finally, after 10months of foundation studies and 3years of degree, I'm with a Bachelor of Commerce with double major now. Should I be happy or sad? What should I do next? Shake leg or look for a permanent job and aim high for CEO?
First of course happy due to the long hard earned efforts I've placed in just to finish this degree as planned and not waste a cent of my family to fail any subjects and just in case the government decided to take away my loan. Of course also to be proud that I'm a graduate from Murdoch University, well many of you may not heard of this Uni but for those in Perth they would know that this Uni is supposed to be famous there. Hmm happy that I can finally earn money to spend and buy whatever I want? Nah you wish, I've got loan to pay man over 10years period. Sheesh ...
Sad? Probably more than the happy side because I'll be leaving my friends that I've spent with them for years. How we've went through all these days can never be forgotten from the shake leg foundation studies where we always make fun of each other, throwing Hsien Loong's slipper underneath the staircase, going McD with Joshua all the time. Until the tough degree which is a major change on assignments overload but we still have time to go shopping, sing k and chit chat. Looking for a job that I want (probably fashion industry), adapting towards the environment, facing boss, workloads, meeting new people and so on ... which is so uncertain for now. Earning money means I can't take my hand out to ask for money anymore. Goodbye to holidays ...
I will only be attending my graduation ceremony in Singapore Raffles Convention center sometime in October. Too costly for me to fly over to Perth in March and I want to graduate with the rest of my friends too. Until then I shall wait for my transcript then apply for a job.
Maybe IBM? Loreal? Media Prima? Ohh let's see how that goes ... my aunt said, please find a job near your house ok ... Alamak think so easy meh. Goodbye KDU finally yes finally I can leave that place yes this is joy for sure.
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Stupid dum dum ~
The above title explains me. Perhaps I should just escape from a while to think of what I really want. Also what really brings joy and what's burdening me all the time.
"What if you wake up tomorrow and realise I'm no longer yours" seems to be the same with "What if you wake up and find that the sun does not rise anymore"
Why do I dream of you ...
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Sometimes you just couldn't understand ....
Sometimes you just couldn't understand, the behaviors of humans unless you study them.
Tell me, does people who's not-so-rich considered to be inferior in the social class? Why does marketer ranks the market as High, Middle and Low group? Obviously this had set a perceptions in our mind that "Yup we're all ranked according to that ..". So when you entered a Guess shop the sales assistant may stare at you from top to bottom, she'll evaluate what brand of clothes, bags, accessories and shoes. If you dressed low, she'll ignore you or give you that look of "Please get out of this shop you can't afford". Oh well, this is the society we're currently living in. People will look down on you when you're not up to their standards.
However, for me as long as you're clothed we're all equal. As like how God treat each of us equally in His eyes, no one is inferior or no one else is better from another. Like what I've mentioned before, the brands are underneath the clothes, how is the person supposed to find out, unless he/she flips your shirt or peep under your clothes. Other than people who loves to show of those "big" brands like Gucci, Prada having BIG logos that you even can spot from miles.
Many judge with a person's outlook and appearance, making assumptions from the outside. If you dress too nice, people would think that ur showing off and not sincere in what your doing. If you under dress people tend to stare at you as if you're a beggar. I've heard sermons claiming that you're not supposed to come to the sanctuary with dressing and make-ups and so on to beautify yourself, but all this doesn't have the grounds to say that ur not equally God loving? In working ethics dressing in a proper manner and putting make up are a mean of showing respect to others and the company.
Also, must a person be studying "professional" courses in order to prove that the person is smart? I give u the answer, No. So what if you're a professional doctor, accountant and so on this doesn't prove that you're in a higher class than others. A very good example would be our so called "Uncle Lim", he built everything with his own hands, does he even have a diploma?
We business students know, whenever we go out and tell other "Oh I have a Bachelor of Commerce ..". People will tend to respond .. "Oh .. Commerce ..". Whereas when someone with an ACCA "I have an ACCA". People will respond like "ACCA? Such a young age, that's so impressive of you". Oh well, how materialistic this world has become? But let me prove you wrong or all who study under Murdoch Business school will prove you wrong, ask the lecturers how tough this program is to be and how many left and gave up without even completing Year1.
I personally will prove the views wrong when the future comes by. Do not look down on others.
Another thing, keeping save messages, does this mean the guy is somewhat interested with that girl? Maybe there's a better one?
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I've completed the journey
I've not updated this blog since a while ago, first reason is I'm too lazy second I was too busy with datelines and final exams.
This semester had finally came to an end .. which means this will be the end of my journey towards pursuing my degree too. If I manage to pass all my exams. Somehow I find the exam this semester is pretty though, we're told to study over pass year papers and guess what? None came out at all. So one word jialat.
I guess it would be pretty useless to go tell the University, the exam questions are too ambiguous where most of the questions are from the text book just that we did not spotted those questions. I'm pretty sure the University would say, "Hey I did not told you to focus on past year, you all have to study the whole text book". Of course they would take out some evidence, "Look there are students who are able to do so well". Sorry, if any of you were to ask me to retake the paper I would say NO, I'm satisfied with what I've written as long as I pass.
So well now I'll have to find a job, yes a job whereby I'll be stepping into the working world.
But I still want holidays ........
My mind is currently in the state where I'm thinking where should I go this year? Hm, Bangkok? Hong Kong? .. dream on, I where got so much money. Melacca then got la. Aiks ....
FInally I'm legally to be called a young adult, something that I'm eager to try out of fun. Stepping into the casino and pondering whether the police would stop me. Ah Moi tengok IC. Then I'll hand him with a proud look on my face. Well, wanna see whether am I looking older than my age or am I looking younger than I do. Haha, nothing better to do. But sorry, not donating money to the casino prefer to take those money to eat and fill my stomach.
So this was my celebration of 21st Birthday ..
Thanks for those who made an initiative to come that far just to celebrate my birthday. Also thanks for all the wishes and gifts from all of you, I truly appreciated all of them. Not to forget those who came made this party possible, which is my family and relatives which supply tons of food for all of us. My mom who prepared desserts since the day before and many who came to cook for this party that day. Of course, also thanks to my dear bf who went and took the cake for me, no not he pay =P
I have no camera and cable to transfer the presents I've received. I shall do it sometime later. Ah, finally got my beloved Borbuletina all the way from swatch in Mid Valley because they say no stock in 1u over weeks. I think there's something wrong with me, I'm starting to love collecting shoes, magazines, colour pens and now .. watches? Don't ask me how many shoes I have. Please.
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