Looking at others ...
Finally I've got my studio photos, soft copy which is being scanned, the hard copy is not with me yet .. I paid aud130 = RM320+Sgd25 for all these instant studio photos to be taken on my graduation day and to be printed out. See I'm so much poorer for the month.On that day, I thought the thing I mind the most is that bf is not around to accompany or witness me for a once in a lifetime kinda thing. At the beginning , I was fine mingling around with long lost friends, taking photos here and there. I realise a feeling start to emerge in me, when others started to go with their family and leaving me standing there wondering around alone. I started to look around at others, how supportive are their families, including dad and all the siblings who came on that night just to witness that second up the stage for them to collect the scroll.
I can't help but started to think about my dad who never agrees to go anywhere besides staying at home. I'm the eldest daughter in the family, also the first to graduate and I've graduated without a single delay or fails in my studies. I starting to think of reasons why can't he be supportive or proud having such a daughter? A daughter can never be compare to a son? Why things have to be so unfair?
I came home and I showed the pictures to everyone. However, my dad is not interested at all. He didn't even took a look at those photos. During that night, I saw friend's dad who walked around with her and accompany her, helping her to take photos with friends and even dads who flew all the way and leave back the busy working time for their daughters and sons. I can't help but place the word envy on those friends. I feel empty. These had made me feel that I'm unimportant.
Initially, none of them wanted to attend my graduation ceremony at all, because of the trouble of traveling from Malaysia to Singapore. If let's say that's someone you love very much, would you think as such a obstacle? I didn't wanted to attend at a point.
Nevertheless, he is still my father all the time and I still love him. I'm just glad that I still have another Father in heaven who love me so and kept me safe that night because He want to see me in the ceremony.
Everything may seemed perfect from the outside, however when you take a look in the inner part, things are more complicated than we see from the surface.
I wish that I could tell how I feel at times. The reality does not allow me to do so. Limits.
Enjoy the photos from Phillips&Father studio.
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Author **Suzanne** @ 1:41 AM
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