Susubear Little Inn: What's wrong with me?

Seeking My True Self

Monday, August 04, 2008

What's wrong with me?

When I haven't got a job everyday I worry and pondering what should I do?

When I got a job I feel so sien and get worried whether does that job really suit me?

Whatever, suit or not suit I must at least stay half year up to one year this time to make it look good on my resume. My 1st job already gave employers a bad impression about me. Also to be eligible for bonus I must stay until end of next year 2009. Why first day I already feel like dying? Probably not too comfortable with the people there? Uhmm, they do not share things with you and everyone do their own things. Something like mind your own business. You got your own project I got my own one. You don't touch me I don't touch you. We don't eat lunch together, like that.

Stupid damn feeling I just can't get it out of me, it's as if I'm not satisfy with so many things and they're so many worries in my head. Probably I'm just feeling really lonely? Or I just feel so tired over a long distance relationship that at the point now I really don't feel like waiting and I really need someone beside me.

There's something inside me I really do not know how to explain, lately whenever I sleep I tend to be awake several times at night, as if there's so much things in my head that I can't interpret what do I want in life. Maybe I really miss someone badly, so badly until I can't concentrate on things in my own life, I know that's so not right but I just can't help it. Anyone please tell me how to not miss a person that much? That all in your mind is only wanting to be with him. I guess it's because I know that person is not gonna come back so soon, so somehow I feel very insecure.

Anyhow, life must still goes on, I should be happy I can curi msn during work time and surf the internet. But regarding the job scope I really don't know, kinda scared looking the turnover in the company. I need to get use to 6hours sleep. Sometimes I really wonder why I'm not as lucky as the others, they always get something they want but not me.

I really miss someone badly now, that kind of feeling - uneasy and miserable. Loneliness.

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