Susubear Little Inn: Learnt a Few Things These Days

Seeking My True Self

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Learnt a Few Things These Days

First I never expected such things to happen and was pretty shocked when I found out. At that moment I was blank, just barely staring at the phone hoping that one of them would call. When we met all I felt was a total heartache, only thinking of ways to give comfort. I'm glad that most are solved now and well all these should be kept within ourselves.

Just remember there's once ....

Even I saw things that I'm really mad and things I couldn't take them, I'm surprise that I could just kept silent and swallow everything. This is so not me. Just that I learn when is the right time and chose to be more patience. But somehow deep inside I still struggle.

Through all this I've also learned my position. I don't care or even mind if anyone misunderstood my intention all the while, they may think I'm selfish or what so ever but of course there's a price I need to pay. Probably in others' eyes I will not be the person good enough for you, if our relationship had caused more problems, I rather chose to give up, so that you can be the one they want you to be.

I'm glad I've once done my part and that's enough for me to be kept as memories.

I wasn't brought up like those in a family, I tend to rely rely alot on others, I'm afraid when I face situation where I do not like, I have the fear of facing uncertainties. I did not learn how to share because I was brought up alone in this house, there are so much so much that had brought me up to the person I'm today. I still find it hard to let go of the ones I love, also tend to react when things doesn't go as it plans. Neither I do like uncertainties and sudden changes. Why?

I just wanted that few days, yes just 2 and half days .... I can't even have them, while I waited for around half a year. Why must things end this way? I wanted a time to talk, I wanted a time to relax and have some holiday before I start my job, but no .... things just won't go my way. They'll just make me feel more depressed.

Also can anyone tell me what does this kind of skin condition mean? Everytime I lay my hand on hard object eg table or I pinch/scratch/bite my skin, bumps and itchy rashes will appear and this condition had lasted for a month. Something's wrong with my skin or my blood?

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