Unfolding The Story
First of all, this post is written to express my own feelings. It's meant to unfold the pain, I've gone through for this past 3 years plus. You can judge me but you'll never know the amount of pains and suffers I've accumalated all the while.I do not know where on earth did I find all my patients from, neither do I know how could I take the pain of being with someone while the person has someone else in the heart. It was not easy afterall, I've to pretend to be half blinded to take everything I see infront of my eyes or half deaf to listen words which are around me. My weakest point is to have a extremly soft heart, that melts easily. Finally, I've known that every feelings I felt for the past 3 years was never wrong at all. It was not me who's being over sensitive, not me who can't let go of the past.
I guess the tears for all these years had enough to fill the whole river. I felt as if I've never wholly love by anyone before because almost every relationship I had, they'll always be a third party involved. Sooner and later after I've accumulated too many problems within me, I've fallen into the trap of depression.
Yes I know the terms of "You can find someone to talk to". I did, I tried my best but still everytime I got pushed away. Finally I'm tired of telling and decided that this will be ocasionally diary. Or perhaps people will say "You are very negative". Oh well, maybe I am but if it's mainly because of him who is not willing to let go of the past, the girl.
I've always asked myself, why am I being treated so unfairly all the while? I am the one who's giving all the time, not only I did not get anything in return but it went all to the other person. In the end, all I've gotten was hurt numerous times. Running down of tears with no one to wipe. Seeking shoulder that was unreacheable.
When I thought it was all over, it did not, once and for once it just repeated in my life, haunting me for years and years. I thought I've gotten used to it and I can't get hurt any deeper but the reality was my heart shattered when the answer I got was "Yes, I still do have feelings .."
. I can't help to be sad, I can't help not to cry knowing that all these few years of not giving up and everything I've done was place into the drain and flushed away.
Now I truly wonder, it's no matter how much I've done until this moment, I'll never be appreciated the same way?
Perhaps it'll never work when one only says and not truly willing to let go. I'm being pulled into this game for years, hasn't it been enough pain for me? Hasn't I suffered enough? When things are not made clear, it'll never be cleared forever. I am tired of playing the same old game, tired of being a spare part. Do you think this is fair for me?
There's still much to unfold, it was all in memories haunting me since then ....
I really had enough, when only it'll stop? When I thought it was all over but the truth tells me it's not.
Superwomen by Chao Ge
Early in the morning, I put breakfast at your table
一夜都没睡但我 不曾如此清醒
我早餐准备了你 爱吃的东西
这次换我等你被咖啡 的香味叫醒
想要找回每天早晨 对我微笑著的你
还能够 做些什麼代替我的歉意
总是望著我 小心翼翼顺著我呼吸
而我竟然理所当然 让你精疲力尽
You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎麼不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你 Ooh—Babe---
You fought your way through the rush hour
Try to make it home just for me
月光下静静靠著彼此 只求夜长一点
有多久没有好好看你 只是认定了我
无论在什麼时候回头 都有你的笑容
是我忽略了你也会有 想要哭的感觉
没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿
再给被宠坏的男人最後一次机会
换我忍耐换我等待 不要真的弃权
(---Baby)是我把爱想得太简单
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心裏唯一的superwoman没有人能代替
不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成 灰烬
If there's someone who's willing to do it as it says in the song .. adv_username = "suzannetan"; adv_gid = "suzannetan_default"; adtype = "180x150";
Author **Suzanne** @ 1:37 AM
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