The Scene Behind the Story
Well, if you would to judge a person from surface there's so much more left behind that you do not see. You thought that person was to be a cheerful one until ..Some chosed not to tell and kept it inside their heart. I bet not many people do know me well. Not even close friends, or those who knew me for years.
Sometimes it's difficult to find someone to tell ..
Then finally when u pilled up too many problems and questions inside your heart, it'll turn to a serious killing disease namely depression. Lately, a Korean star suicide due to this one too. Some people may view it as like, "It's you urself who thinks that way, It's you urself who do not want to help yourself so who to blame when you have depression?" - have they even realise that it's due to their ignorance all time which had leads to all this?
To live in a family like me wasn't easy. I wasn't brought up like a normal child with parents love that accompany me side by side. Until now, the story I was told it's due to their busy-ness and not so well income which made the reason that I was brought up here. The true story behind? I really do not know at all.
Imagine hearing your parents arguing about divorce since you're old enough to understand human language, or perhaps you found ur mother telling you "I'm gonna bring you kids go suicide together and let ur father regret the whole life". I still remember the moment where my aunt told me "Do not follow your mommy if she comes to the kindergarten to bring you". I didn't understand that time but finnaly I knew they were up to divorce that time.
There's still a series of events which is too long to be mentioned. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest, each of these memories have not left me since then .. but stay with me for life that creates such haunts that I can never forget.
Some said to me that, I'm pretty lucky to be brought up here .. Sometimes I do wonder, is it really that lucky? Perhaps lucky in a sense that I get more materialistic stuffs I want, but I've lost .. lost the love of parents, lost the childhood days with my siblings which indirectly built up my character of me, much of a loner as I've spent all of my childhood days alone playing with my imaginery scenes and friends.
Still remember taking out my masak-masak, arranging it on the sofa and talking to invisible "customers" and frying those imaginery "char kuai teow" ...
Probably this is the main cause of me spending so much time day dreaming all the while, having wonders of imaginaries in my mind or talking to myself everytime. Well, maybe that leads to my creativeness ?
However staying here with my aunts aren't easy. Lots and lots of scolding I have to listen everyday, esp during sem breaks like this when I stay home. They can pick on the smallest thing to scold me, even just because I can't control my hair not to fall, they'll say I dirty the room. Or ridiculous stuffs which they can nag me for the whole day. Oh, even things like I can't stop sneezing cos I have sinus? - I'm called noisy .. I'm exploding soon
I am always envious of those who had been very close to their parents where they can share most of their problems to their closest person ever. I just can't find one that listens at home, they seldom ask me about my life. I am so dying for the love of family.
Other than the love of God, perhaps this is the reason of me being so deep in love with one I cannot let go. Because I've lost so much of this love since young ..
However, until now, even the love from one also will be parted soon ...
My dream is to go disneyland, pretty childish and lame isn't it ? I still recalled the opening of ntv7 showed the disneyland long video, which made my dream to visit since then. Wishing upon to see those fireworks above the castles.
A dream will always remain as a dream. It's more difficult than plucking the star down from the sky. I wish I've got that much amount of money, but even education I'm on a loan which only supports 50% of my every semester. My monthly allowance had been cut of from my parents since 1year ago, when only left my dad as the only source of income. Seeing my mom using her hands to earn hard earned money for us, how can I bare ... As for my aunts, they're not working anymore, so where to find a source of income ?
I was thinking to work as an airstewardess after I graduate. Many thought I wanted to work as one just for glamourous and all, but no it's because the high pay which I can in return use to reduce all burdens on the others. Even how hard it is, I will have to go through.
I really wish to go. Anyone generous enough?
More stories behind the scene ... to be continue adv_username = "suzannetan"; adv_gid = "suzannetan_default"; adtype = "180x150";
Author **Suzanne** @ 6:49 PM
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