Susubear Little Inn: I'm tired of things that's going around me

Seeking My True Self

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I'm tired of things that's going around me

I need to work again this weekend, seems like everything that's happening around me lately, somehow just forbids me to see my dear more, when he's only going to be back for 2weeks. Yes, not even spending a weekend with him in church. Oh well, sucks to be me it says. Minus those weekdays that I'm NOT allowed to see him, yes you the word NOT ALLOWED. Better still don't come back, much happier with long distance relationship that we don't have the obligations to do so many things as compare to now. I also felt that he's much happier over there compare to here.
Simple, settle down get a TR there, we're not coming back to this place which is filled with problems and hatred around. People have two faces. I had enough of those. I had enough of people who see WHO ARE YOU to determine how they should treat you. ONE whether ru related to some highly respected people TWO your family background whether ru born wealthy.

Like I said sucks to be me, I paid my own education with loan, I can't afford to buy a car, people think that I be with him just because I love money? Bloody shit, all these times I paid my own cinema ticket, meals, outings, things I shopped I've never asked him pay a CENT. Then when he got not enough allowance, he didn't even dare to tell you all, me, I PAID his meals. I never count with him anything before. I like him bcos of money? Think twice. I've done so much just bcos I love him, one simple thing like that none of you can see? Only know how to judge me on things which are no true.

Those words had never disappear from my mind since last night, they're disturbing, I close my eyes I hear them, I open my eyes I hear them too. Also I see the fking face. TULAN. Damn fking irritating, no one on this earth even my parents had used such harsh words on me before, so who are you to judge me? Please don't go out there and tell others that you're a Christian, it's shameful for a person to act like this.

First you commanded your nephew back here to m'sia so that he can help you do things, not even thinking of consequences and those problems that occurred for him to leave studies for weeks. (I forgot the money doesn't belongs to you, and you've not done higher education that you didn't know how hard it's). Somemore always add salt add vinegar into what others said in order to make the condition worse to scare everyone. Wow, if anyone command me to do something I'll say f off. I don't mind telling everyone what happened bcos I've never done wrong anything before, as long as the things I did is "Jian de Guang".

Another thing, if you really think I'm the one who's sticking to him all the time, think twice, I've got brains, I've got so many things, for me to find another one is not really a problem. I wouldn't want to live my life like yours, being a single women the rest of my life. I choose to live my life to the fullest so that I won't regret when I grow old. Also, I'm no longer that Suzanne who cries and begs who can not let go of things like last time. I've grown, I know how to think now, I know how to manage my own life, I know what I want in life.

Next thing, you have a status in the society, doesn't mean you can look down on others. So what if my family background is not that wealthy? But I know I'm gonna work hard to achieve things I want in life. Only people that had went through things like this learned to appreciate things more and see things in a different perspective. Not like those born with a silver spoon.

If you people really wants to see us break this relationship, you may have made me thought of it a while, I might have done it last night as well, but if I've done so .. who's the one suffering? Think before you speak, you may ruin other people's life. I choose to be with him it's because there's this pleasant happiness that's unexplainable, this comfort that I have when he's beside me. That kind of smile that came from my heart everytime I get a call from him. Times when he's so irritating but just to make me laugh. About how much he cared for me all the while ..

I really thought of letting go, but izzit so easy? After things that we've through, after so many obstacles .. I still find that I love him so much, still find that his hand is the one I want to hold, the arms that I wish to be in, the one that I would do so much for him .. will we be able to make it throughout all this obligations?

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