Susubear Little Inn: The Depressing part of me

Seeking My True Self

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Depressing part of me

Probably you would stop reading after looking at the title above. Because it's a long boring post again.

I want to keep my eye of something that's happening around me but it's so hard. I want to keep my ear shut for hearing things but it's impossible. The sight of looking at things I do not wish to see hurts alot. I feel like running away but I can't.

There's one night I really did felt like giving up. I've given the courage to uttered out the words in sms but I do not have the courage to do it at all. I wanted to leave PeeJay for a while and head back to get myself recover from things n to forget about stuffs. But why izzit so difficult to accomplish. Maybe one day when I have the courage, I'll just *VanisH*

I do not understand, does a so called normal friend deserve that much attention at all. I do wonder why I'm not even being cared until that extend, probably I'm just putting on a fake name tag labelling as gf. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself day by day that it'll work out but it's actually the other way round which namely impossible.

Maybe I'm just the last one you can lie to. I have the most accurate intuition ever n it has never go wrong before. No, I'm not the Professor in X-Men, I can't read people's mind. But I am able to feel something when I knew one's heart or eyes are not upon me but on someone else. X-ray eyes, I wish I do have a pair =P

Looking back of all these years, practically it had just passed me by with many haunting n also sweet memories. Probably this are the reasons that makes it hard to let go afterall. I can't just delete off my memories like you do in the computer, unless I loss my memories. Well that would turns out to be the best afterall, when I can start everything all over again like formating a computer, ah lame - nya.

The moment I stare at you when you're beside me, I know I do love you so deeply
But on the other hand, I feel the pain of letting you go
As I know it's merely impossible for things to work out between us anymore
I can no longer stand the pain, the images of you hurting me more to repeat the past