You wish to leave it behind but your dreams don't allow it
Sometimes you really just wish to leave the pass behind but then the incidents will just appear in your dreams that makes you remember everything all over again. Maybe there's a part of my brain loop had stored all this past haunting memories I had and it can never be remove. Hmm ...Moments of being betrayed and lied comes on in the dreams, yes I know it can't be real, it's just a dream but then it'll still remind me of the past which makes it impossible to be wipe out of my memory. Probably when once you really faced a horrible experience it'll haunt you for the rest of your life? "Because of you, find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me, because of you, I am afriad" - Kelly Clarkson, Because of You
If it wasn't the playful or flirt-ish side of human, probably all this past wouldn't be there at all.
It's hard to draw an end ... unless someone ends it.
Doesn't want to commit do not give you the rights to fool around with love and relationship. Not ready is just an excuses. Statement such as I want to know the person more is also too an excuse, because you can know the person even well if you're with him/her. In conclusion, Whatever ....
To the flashbacks ..
I indeed had went through many many hard times in my own relationship which none of you out there know how hard was it to walk that road, and now it's even more difficult for me to walk the 2 years in future. Imagine the worse point is where you fall down and beg do not leave me on your knees, yet the person said no and pull your hand, push you away so hard. You've tried to do everything to win his heart, but then every thoughts and even posting in blogs he rather talks about the other person than you. I wish the past it's that easy to be forgotten.
In addition to the difficulties to leave all these behind, it did not happen ONCE but ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR .. and go it goes on and on.
One why flirt with using those kind of actions and eye contacts, when you have no intentions on the person. Two, never to ask a person to "miss call" without a right purpose, only couples use this "Miss call me when u reach home yeah ..". Third, ignore and do not reply to msgs when you're not interested with the person. Forth, the most important do not let the misunderstanding continues, clarification is the best way, silent will only make it worse. Fifth, a perosn wouldn't care that much for you if you're not in his/her mind. Sixth, why on earth must you ever play the same online game portal. Seventh, don't spoil other people's relationship, you don't know how other suffers because of your careless unintentional behaviours- All this in return send the wrong signal if you don't watch out yourself.
When you thought ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Tell me, how can one person take the heart breaking incidents for sooo many times for the same matter and the same person everytime. Once, you told yourself, I believe that all this wouldn't happen again but not until the next moment you realise it's happening again ! It's like history repeats itself, worse nightmare ever ..
For now .. or past?
When you was happily walking enjoying and celebrating your special one's birthday, suddenly here comes the message that spoil every moment which leads to arguements. "I wouldn't reply them" pretends to throw the phone aside. Just to realise the next moment you left the car, he's busy typing msg and replying. Ridiculous isn't it? Give me a break.
One msg does kills. He stops, but someone else bring it back. No thanks to the sms. Honestly, I don't like it sorry to said I'm a very straightfoward person.
Everything is in peace now, no one knows what will happen again when meet during the year end. This is my biggest fear ever.
Labels: love, relationship
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Author **Suzanne** @ 2:02 AM
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