Susubear Little Inn: Is This the Right Path ?

Seeking My True Self

Friday, August 05, 2005

Is This the Right Path ?

I've been thinking and wondering about this problem since like months ago ... Did I really made a correct decision in building up this broken relationship again ? Once the relationship of the couple is broken is really very tough to be build up again. Especially times where girls are really hurt badly by their love ones. First of all, trust, would be so hard to gain from a broken relationship. It's not that I don't want to believe that particular person but it's the outcome of what he had done for the past that fears me.

Fears is the main problem for me. Fear of getting dump again and crying every night for like 2-3 months hoping that I could mend the broken relationship. Yea I really did went through hard times during those days ... Tried to push myself not to think about anything by working hard everyday and fill up my days with busy jobs and activities. But seeing couples holding hands, cuddling in each other arms had made me felt worse while I was working. Even tried forcing myself to eat alot and alot .. It works, I ate one big packet of fried rice for lunch+cheezy wedges+ chicken wings ... Waited everyday during my lunch break for someone I would hope to see but ... the outcome is ... no he did not appear. Long story to go ... bla bla bla

Somehow I took up the courage and decided to choose back the relationship which I was once hurt badly. But why ? Everyone asking me WHY must I choose back the same relationship that might end up in the same situation I faced again ? I could say that 99% of my friends don't wanna see be to be hurt badly again ... and they told me not to go back to the previous relationship I had. But I refuse to listen ... WHY ? I can't give any valid reasons until today ... Most probably I'm so in love with that particular person ? or I'm so use to being with that person ? It really took me alot of courage to make this final decision while I was struggling on which path I should choose about one year ago.

Decision made and no more turning back again ... What had past had really went past ... I could never turn back the time and change it anymore. Maybe I'm really a girl that's so difficult to be understand ? But ... all I want is to be cherish ? I would definitely love it if someone could like show me off infront of his friend that how proud is he to have me ... or write whateva things about how much he really love and care for me ... That's most probably what girls want ? Want their bf prove that how much he loves her ? What to do ... this is the nature of we girls ...

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